Olivia: You alive? Olivia: There we go [Sad music] Burrito diet, day nine [Crunch sounds] Emma: [Quietly] Okay Emma: Alright, ladies Yeah, ’cause we all know how they get soggy Hey Amanda, it’s still good! That was fucking exhausting, mentally [Loud slurp] Cheers I’m gonna have to shit later Same Oh hi! Good morning! What are we doing today, ladies? One, two, three— Amanda and Olivia: We’re going to San Francisco! Emma: Roadtrip! [Crickets] Wanna try again? One, two, three— Amanda and Olivia: We’re going to San Francisco! Emma: Roadtrip! Who’s off? It’s me Amanda and Olivia: We’re going to San Francisco! Emma: Roadtrip! What? Emma: Roadtrip! Amanda and Olivia: We’re going to San Francisco! We’re starting out our morning with our favourite breakfast burrito! Amanda woke up angry Amanda woke up angry Shall we elaborate on that? Amanda, would you like to speak on it? That’s what being friends with YouTubers is like I was trying to wake Amanda up, and I started running out of options I was shaking her… nothing was working So I just tried to tickle her neck, but it didn’t work Tickle?! Yeah! [Quirky music] I decided that it would be fun if I took my BFFs to fuckin San Francisco with me because that’s where I’m from We’ve been wanting to road trip— Olivia: You’re from there? Uh… yah I wanted to take them to San Francisco so that they could experience my childhood and also we were bored and didn’t want to be in LA anymore and I just spilled hot sauce on my leg Wanna come lick it off? I know the answer is no [Quirky music] This burrito slapped so hard My nose is fucking running from the hot sauce, holy shit [Loud sniff] Road trip starts now! We’re going to San Francisco, it’s 7 AM, and we’re going to San Francisco, and we’re gonna be there at some point We’re gonna give you hourly updates Maybe Probably not Oh my God, sweat is dripping [Sniff] Did you just fucking smell it? [Sniff] We’ve been driving for officially an hour Amanda’s sleeping back there, as you can see [Loud snoring] We’ve been driving for a while We’ve just been jamming out to music, talking about the texture of milk because it’s really not a good texture, now is it? Anyone who wakes up in the morning and thinks, “Let me pour myself a nice cold glass of MILK”? MILK? Melk You had childhood issues Milk ain’t gonna fix shit in your life, so New Years resolution: Emma: Don’t drink milk! Olivia: Stop drinking milk! Funny story, I hate paper straws [Mariachi music] How you guys feeling? Well we know how Amanda’s feeling [Snoring] I love woadtwips! How are ya?! You just sounded like fucking Jeffree Star How are ya?! Jeffree Star if you’re watching this, pipe it up and stab on me I’m Jeffree Star What? Yup… I don’t have anything to follow that Dude, the fog is insane [Cough] Did you see that?! Okay, so guys, I think I have a wart on my leg Olivia: bruh! Do I have a wart like right here? Oh my god I just— Bro, I heard it leak I get—*sniff*—no, no Did you just put your hand on your ass and then smell it? No! No, no What if I fucking cupped—okay— You have You have before! Don’t act like you haven’t palm bombed yourself! Haven’t WHAT? Olivia: Pum bummed? You fart in your hand and then smell it Okay, I was, like, 8 Okay, this was, like, last week! I did it that one time when I was little because my Dad used to tell me that his siblings used to palm bomb him Sadly, I don’t have siblings so I had to do it to myself That’s upsetting You should be drinking milk ‘cos your childhood was fucked up Emma: Yeah, I know! See, there was a day in my life, there was a time in my childhood when I had to drink milk because everything was so messed up and I couldn’t see what was light and what was dark, and only milk! ha ha ha I was in the car, hand on my ass, I farted in my hand and put it in my face I put it in my face! It’s so nice in my face! [Bleeping] [Cymbal crash] [Laughter] Dude, focus on my fucking head! Jesus Christ! That’s what he said Dude, you make a really good point with that one I didn’t brush my teeth this morning I didn’t either Pound it Guess who’s awake! Olivia: Guess who’s awake! Why don’t you talk about why you were in a bad mood and how it relates to me? Umm Be nice about it I’m kind of sensitive Okay, so when Emma sets an alarm— She sets 30 Amanda: and not only does she set 30, but when they go off, —the most annoying ringtone Oh! THE TONE! [Alarm tone] Oh yeah. Fuck that shit Wait, I’m triggered. You can’t play it again [Alarm tone] NO! So that was what was going on, for, like, an hour this morning— Olivia: But Emma sleeps through them! Amanda: She doesn’t turn it off! Olivia: And we’re like “Hey Emma, hey, hey, Emma,” and she’s like, “What?” and I’m like, “Can you shut that off?” she’s like, “What?” and I’m like— [Suspenseful music] I can’t hear alarms! [Animal noises]
Make it stop, make it stop! [Animal noises] oh lol Shoutout to the hate account that told me I had crusty lips, look at these hoes! They wet as fuck Emma: What hour are we on? Olivia: Three and a half? Oh my God, there’s your credit card information! In a better mood now even though we didn’t play Nickelback for you? I’m just—my feelings are hurt Amanda loves Nickelback, but I mean, I just can’t say the same about myself Oh my God, they have frozen yogurt here! Too bad I’m not gonna get it ’cause I don’t wanna have diarrhea Emma: Really? Olivia: Yeah! Emma: Diarrhea’s good. It kind of makes things more interesting Have fun Emma: What? Olivia: I wanna play the game, I wanna win that! Emma: What’s that? Olivia: It’s an iPad Olivia: and it’s blue! Emma: Wait, it’s blue? Olivia: It’s blue! Emma: Does that even exist?! It does here, wherever the fuck we are! Emma: I’m tryna get a Beats Pill right about now [Electronic music] Emma: Guys, take a look at this. It has lollipops with bugs in it Is that, like, a freaking dung beetle? Like, what even is that? Cashier: Anything else? Emma: That’s it Emma: Did you put your tampon in? [Sad music] Her period hit her hard this month [Light music] Eh… it kind of just reminds me of how I drive We have, officially, 25 minutes left We’re making a quick detour instead of going straight to our hotel We are actually going to visit my mom first and just say ‘what’s up’ to mommy! Then we’re gonna say hi to my animals— *Siri* Shut the fuck up Okay No, not you! I’m talking to the fucking Siri guy, cuz your Siri has a male voice? [Burp] What did that taste like? So, why don’t we all go through and give an update? Olivia first We just life coached Josie for the past 45 minutes Josie— [Siri] Josie we love you I’m feeling pretty good. Our friend called us and we just gave her an entire TED talk that she did not want Emma: Did you like it? Josie: No My burp tasted like a barbecue chip No way! That’s what it tasted like Emma: Are we ready for that? [Sniff] I’m so sweaty! Oh Amanda, you never gave your update, how do you feel? Amanda: Good! We still haven’t played Nickelback for her. Maybe we’ll play it on the way home, but that’s only if she gets lucky I just [Sad music] Okay but also, like, if worse comes to worst, when you get to the hotel, you can just put in your AirPods, sit on the toilet, and listen to Nickelback and then— I got yelled at for putting in my AirPods earlier! That is true Guys, there was a girl driving next to us and we both applied chapstick at the same time Emma: No way! [Burp] That was a gross one We’re in the water! Ahhhh! I’m really excited because we’re staying at the Hotel Nikko and they have a dog on site and we already made an appointment to hang out with the dog when we arrive There’s, like, sharks in the water here! I haven’t blinked in a minute Okay, guys. Now do me a huge— [Sigh] We should try that again Three, two, one, action! Okay guys, this is a big deal Now, do me a huge favor and for the next few seconds pay attention to how many times Olivia blinks Olivia: Shut the fuck up I haven’t blinked in two minutes. I think I’ve passed the point in life where I need to blink All: Are you sure? Go back, watch that footage. Guarantee you she blinked Wait, let’s all do a competition, see who can not blink for the longest The AC is blowing to straight into my eyeballs So, let’s see how long we last Three, two, one, go Now blinking is all I can think about Oh, I blinked. Fuck [Upbeat piano music] [Upbeat piano music] You’re at a minute now I told you So, we’re not gonna go to Alcatraz? Absolutely not. You would not have fun Why would you want to spend 100 dollars to go to prison when you could just go to prison for free? Are you still not blinking? Still haven’t blinked It has been a minute thirty, and I’m getting scared Emma: Have— [Animal noise] Sorry [Animal noises] Okay, that’s it Olivia: That’s all you get, folks! [Sexy music] Wait, why do I look sexy? [Sexy music] ‘Kay. That’s fine Emma: Hi! Emma’s mom: Hi, sweetie! Emma’s mom: So happy you guys are here! Emma: Yay! Olivia: You’re exactly what I pictured Emma’s mom: Do you want the light on? Oh my God, I’m just squeezing his little belly I’m in love with him [Cats noises] You’re so cute, I’m gonna die! [Upbeat music] [Sexy music] Let’s do a little hotel tour! How do you feel about that? We got the bathroom!
Hi, it me or whatever! Ew. That was gross We have the tub in the shower, which I won’t be using We have this whole living area And then… that’s it Emma: Oh, wait, do we have a room key? Olivia: Yes, I do Emma: Oh my god, you— see, thank God for you Emma: Hi! Emma: Are you okay? Amanda: No! [Uplifting music] Hey! We just got back from shopping I thought I would do a little try on haul for you guys and I have my two judges here to tell me if they’re ugly or not because I didn’t try them on First thing I got is this I wouldn’t pair it like this, so don’t judge, okay? It’s from Urban Outfitters— Well, we’re the judges. We’re supposed to— So what do you think of this? But just imagine a with the cute outfit and not looking like fucking this, because this is bad Ten out of ten. Texture.. mmm, could be better So this is— this would be cute if I didn’t wear it looking like an idiot Emma: Okay, moving on. This next thing was a complete impulse buy Emma: I’m not sure if I made the right decision Dude, I’m into this. I love corduroy Gives me 80s movies vibes I’m into it. Urban Outfitters, you did it again. That’s the only place I went shopping Emma: You guys approve? Yeah All right, moving on! So, moving on to some more fun stuff, I’m now getting naked [Suspenseful music] Nice! It’s so bright! I’m uncomfortable Also got this hat to match Olivia: Perfect [Crickets] Emma, cut that out Emma? Hey! You there! Who, me? Hey, how’s it going? You’re editing right now? [Scared] Yeah, I’m editing. How did you know? Cut whatever you just saw out [Scared] Okay Oh wait, I’m putting on pants. I don’t like how this looks without pants This outfit is not fucking it, but this body suit is dope as fuck! I really like the pants! The pants are kind of fun. This outfit is not an outfit to wear together, guys Don’t get confused But this body suit could be cool. I like the color You have more bold— dare than I do Yeah, well… We’ll see if I ever actually wear this, so Olivia: Alright Emma: One more thing [Olivia singing] [Olivia singing] [Amanda giggling] Are you going to the renaissance? No, it looks like— what’s that show my mom watches? Downton Abbey? Emma: I don’t even want to show this For like—just run across the room You have to! That’s it! That’s all you get! Show’s over! Emma: Okay…okay Emma: No. I HATE this I’m saying this because I’m your friend, you have to take that back Emma: Fuck this shirt Return it Emma: This is so ugly! Haul equals completed Follow me on Instagram to see me actually wearing the outfits in a way that’s not ugly because the way that I put on all of those things was awful, but you still get the idea enough where you know if it’s ugly or not Does that make sense? Did that make sense? Amanda: Yep That’s what people say about me, Hope you enjoyed my haul and we’ll see you when we get dessert on room service Cut! Okay What button do I press though? I don’t even know what I want Hi! Can I order room service? Two chocolate cakes, one raspberry sorbet and one lemon sorbet That’s it. Thank you so much! Goodbye Alright guys, how’d I do? [Whispering] Round of applause, round of applause [Clapping] Thank you so much Let’s fucking eat, bitch [Chuckling] [All] Ooohhh Emma: Ooooooooo Let me do a little sorbet review. So this first one is RASPberry— Olivia: I want this Oh, wow. Nice Okay. So now let’s try the lemon one I used to be obsessed with lemon with lemon sorbet growing up. How about you guys? Amanda: Mhm The lemon one’s so it Why is the best dessert room service? Olivia: Brain freeze? Emma Brain freeze Olivia: Mmm. Emma: Mm-hmm Uh I’m kind of concerned about how good this is Same This is hot [Moans] Olivia: Oh, my God! [Loud chewing] Ew! Ew, chewing ice cream is awful No, you don’t chew it! You put your tongue to the top of your mouth and, like, let the flavors explore Olivia: My plate— [Booing] Olivia: —versus Amanda’s— [Cheering] Olivia: Hers still has the mint and everything! Did you eat the mint? [Suspenseful music] You ate the mint?! You’re not supposed to eat that! That’s a decoration! You’re allowed to eat the mint [Laughing] You’re allowed to eat the mint What does it taste like? Olivia: Mint It’s a literal leaf! I mean, I’m not gonna act like I haven’t done it Why would you ever want to do that? Olivia: It’s delicious Okay, I’ll eat one too, then [Giggling] Olivia: Eat it. Swallow You can’t lie! It’s bad! [Crickets] Emma: Oh, my God! woah I don’t even know if I wanna open this now oh my god Too bright, vampires don’t like this ok nevermind back to bed Look what we got Philz Amanda’s never tried Philz and she likes it. So that means that I’m a good friend. Yes Sorry, all right ladies time to be ready I will choke you if you don’t What the fuck was that No
Here’s my outfit of the day Thank you say something at least yeah, so we’re gonna go get brunch now I look like fucking I Don’t know what I look like anymore. I don’t even know who I am anymore My favorite coffee shop are you’s ready? I’m so excited oh Amanda you look so cute. Yeah you too, Olivia you too As you wait the lighting looks so good you look so good stand there for just a second That is good, I respect it so good, yes! We just took so many photos I’m gonna insert that so that you guys don’t feel left out I Don’t know what we’re gonna do next but you guys are gonna know before I do so wait, that’s not true. Okay How you doing back there ladies, good Cool. Well, um Can I help you? No, hey, but you came up when we took a nap actually I took a nap and we’re gonna go to the Golden Gate Bridge with a bunch of other stuff But then we got lazy and didn’t go and then instead just did more shopping now. I’m gonna do another try on haul because Olivia: you bought more clothes First thing I bought everything I bought was from Brandi. Is this hoodie? It says Another Oh No. Next is this nice V little long-sleeve shirt? Oh That’s thing. I got a good stuff Next I got this long-sleeve shirt reminds me of like What do we think I like it I need to be fun I approve Next okay next I got a hoodie that I don’t need okay. This one has a little little angel devil guy on it What do you guys think it is? Look how freaking cute that little man is definitely unnecessary purchase last but not least. So these are the sweats. What do we think guys? That was the most unnecessary haul ever because I didn’t need any of that. Okay, so I guess In your right bottom bowel Oh, it’ll do it’ll come out Okay byee, wait oh yeah You can drink that bro This this is it chief hey guys, good morning So we’re about to go meet up with my dad and hang out with the guy cuz you know, he’s a good one Anyway, look we could fuckin a I don’t know why I’m complaining eggs seem to be doing really well recently i got chip grease on myself why are they driving with their fucking trunk wide open Honk at him maybe he doesn’t know no why would he know that Why would his trunk be open dude? I don’t think he knows chief. I think he knows I don’t know why he’s pulling me up, but he figured that now Smoothies and really good wah vibe what? This is our last day here We’re gonna play some no We’re not playing Nickelback though. When I go back sometimes things happen and you don’t know their colors. omg why is the guy sitting on that guy woah what It smells like an onion in here What hi hi everybody who let him do this. if you touch my camera That means I get a bite of your snack. whats it with everybody eating everybody else’s burritos We made a mistake and got acai bowls when this is what we really want It’s what I want oh Shit we’re zoomed in, dude Oh I had to take them to the one place that everybody has to go to when they’re in San Francisco and that is Golden Gate
Bridge we’re gonna take photos and then immediately leave Oh, oh no, there we go, stay there penis