*Original video producers: 15w.com* *Translated by Steven (Twitter @HyperSTz)* What can I really give myself? Returning to the stage, challenging the world? I don’t know But every step I take is the step I choose The moment I see you is the moment that I have declared your death Chapter 1: Beginnings First of all, when I was young I enjoyed watching Hollywood movies all the male leads were really cool So I thought, why were they so cool? They have muscles…that’s right, muscles. So I should work out as well then I can become just like them That’s how I fell in love with working out. As I started to see some results, I couldn’t stop anymore I felt that if I stopped, all my previous effort would have gone to waste Also, I would have more stamina than other players, especially in best-of-5s And maybe as I grow older in the later stages of my career my reaction speed wouldn’t slow down as quickly as other players that don’t workout For example, if the other players’ reaction speeds slow down when they are about 25 or 26 years old players that work out often wouldn’t have that issue until they are 27 or 28 years old One time I over-trained myself when boxing, that was my first time boxing. After I got home, I couldn’t move my hands anymore Moving the wrist requires the use of forearm muscles but if the forearm muscles is paralysed then I can’t move my wrist It took 3 days of rest to recover Chapter 2: Dragon Rising I had two golden ages. One was when I first started playing competitively at EHOME At the time I played extremely aggressively, I felt that I was playing so aggressively that I was the most aggressive pro player out there Even though it was fun to play and cool to watch, it was also easy to make mistakes and throw the game My second golden age was in North America With the leadership of my coach and suggestions from my teammates, my playstyle evolved so I could play aggressively and stably at the same time At that time, we won first place in the regular season and qualified for Worlds in the post-season It really wasn’t easy because we started the final series 0:2 [against Team Curse] So we thought, we basically lost so might as well just play whatever The next game we won with extreme difficulty Our team morale was not very good, but none of us would do things like throw randomly We had a great team atmosphere and we played as we would normally. It was a very difficult game but we won in the end After winning another game, we felt that our hopes were really high, and our team morale skyrocketted because we felt that our opponents may be tilting. They didn’t expect us to come back 2 games after an 0:2 start The final game we won easily. The other team basically tilted Qualifying for Worlds with a 3:2 reverse sweep I don’t think I would ever forget this Therefore, I think my greatest golden age was in North America Chapter 3: Decisions At first, I didn’t have thoughts of returning to China Originally we thought that after going 2:0 in the first day, we just need one more win to qualify for quarterfinals Then we suddenly lost 4 games in a row, and every game we had hopes of winning After losing, I thought…if I returned to China and build a team with Mata and Dandy, two super strong players who just won the World championship if we qualify for Season 6 Worlds, we wouldn’t likely be eliminated in the group stage If we qualify for Worlds, then making it to finals, semi-finals, or even becoming World champions were all possible So I returned for the purpose of achieving results If I continued to stay in America…Ackerman was leaving for sure. There’s nothing I could do about that If we all stayed there, then we still had a very good chance of qualifying for Season 5 Worlds It wouldn’t be like the Season 5 now where I can’t even play a single game
No need to talk about unable to qualify for Worlds, I can’t even play a single game (Ackerman: let’s us play and have fun together) hmm No regrets Chapter 4: Changes The biggest reason was…too overconfident At that time, I was climbing the SoloQ ladder easily I could play anything and carry against anyone, even in scrims It led me to say something crazy (cocky) later And especially in the first few games of the Spring Split I got killed by Deft’s Ezreal Q under tower. That play was too overconfident [from me] [My playstyle] had already become like a kind of illness I already couldn’t fight anymore. I had almost no HP left The best choice at that time was to base because I had only a little bit of HP left I would die from 1 autoattack, but I still decided not to base. Then I just died to a Q (caster: Vasilii did not use heal! He didn’t expect it all) Then I just kinda laughed…maybe it was because of that one game, I got flamed for a very long time [by the fans] Now I feel I deserved it Honestly, I think it affected my entire split, maybe even two splits Because when I was in America, the [online] discussions usually praised me. The fans praised me too Then returning to China and immediately receiving such a big blow. My heart couldn’t take it immediately Chapter 5: Parallel I returned to build a team with Mata and Dandy, but the results were poor, especially with Mata in the botlane A lot of things depended on synergy It’s not about how good you are or how famous you are It mainly depends on whether the two personalities and playstyles match But his [Mata’s] reputation, aura, and accolades were too great. I had to step to his rhythm Maybe Mata fits an AD carry who completely obeys him Only then can they produce decent results Basically players with good temperament and rookies Rookies don’t have much aura or ego. It doesn’t matter to them All they need to do is to follow the big bro When I played with him, I had to step to his rhythm. But I was a bit uncomfortable inside Personally, I think my communication with Vasilii has been fluent, not bad actually But when I played with him he made too many mistakes If we talk about this from a calm perspective, his problems did come from his skill level Mata is indeed a super strong player and his in-game IQ is very high But, his mentality is not very good If someone appears angry before me, I would become even angrier than they are Therefore, I couldn’t play well at all. If I can’t play well, it affects me the most But, I have an air of disobedience inside of me that I cannot control at all Sometimes That kind of attitude is not something regular people can handle Other people may be able to handle it, but I can’t Eventually it became that whether I played well or not had nothing to do with me Only that everything Mata did was right It doesn’t matter how bad he played, it was just a small mistake from him I would still have nothing regardless of how well I played I also have a lot of pride in my heart I have always thought that Koreans were too good, and they also flaunt their egos. I could not accept it at all I am completely unwilling to I am completely unwilling to accept the fact that…two people in the same team, one person’s status is in the sky while the other one is on the ground Chapter 6: Pondering
At first I thought it was unlikely, I felt that in the second half of the Spring Split, I didn’t play very well but at least it was acceptable Unlike the first half of the split which was really bad Afterwards as my mentality stablized, my performance gradually recovered But I didn’t expect to get benched suddenly. I felt that if I got to play another split I would have performed very well But to be sent straight to the bench, I didn’t know what to say I was shocked. I was lost and confused for a long time Then [they] told me, “your ELO is low. If you climb higher, we will give you opportunities to play” Everyday I played SoloQ. Aside from eating, sleeping, and working out, I was grinding SoloQ I even ate my meals in front of the computer I didn’t even go home for New Years. I continued to play League of Legends and grind SoloQ Afterwards, my ELO went up, but I still didn’t feel there were any opportunities Maybe I returned to my former self in EHOME: only knowing how to play aggressively Maybe the pressure was too much and I really wanted to prove myself. But the more I wanted to prove myself, the more impatient I became If I get impatient, then I only think about attacking and not defending I think this kind of playstyle is not suitable for competitive games and also doesn’t suit teams like VG that focus on team play and rotations I have never communicated with the coach before How to say this…I couldn’t swallow my pride I could never accept the fact that I was a substitute. I feel that my skill level is not that of a substitute I could never accept it. Therefore, I have always been reluctant to talk to him [the coach] about it (VG’s training room…) Almost one year…no, from being a sub to now I only played one game (scrim) It was a few days before playing in NEST [tournament]. After that I did not get to play another game of scrims Playing in NEST, the coach didn’t even come back from Korea Having not played competitively for so long while being flamed for so long, and then finally the day comes when I get to see the stage and get to compete I felt that it really hasn’t been easy [for me] Suppressed for so long, finally I could compete and prove myself Honestly, I played pretty well umm after that game I got benched again I don’t know how long I can endure this By myself…I lived by myself in the 100-square-foot basement room for over 6 months I felt really bad…not just really bad, extremely bad The way things are now, honestly I can’t blame the club entirely because I really didn’t play well in the Spring Split. It was my own problem Therefore, whatever will be, will be Chapter 7: Disobedience If they flamed me even though I played perfectly, I wouldn’t care because I knew the truth If we lost and it wasn’t my fault, and I see all the stream chat flaming me, then I get really annoyed And I gave everybody a few punches. Everybody. Everybody that was upstairs got hit by me a few times All the computers got smashed by me Koreans are the bosses? I don’t care about that I don’t care what happens after. I feel that I can live up to my conscience for what I did I feel that I got suppressed for a long time Playing in the basement everyday made me feel that there was no hope And everyday I got made fun of by the fans and the peanut gallery for being a substitute I couldn’t accept the word “substitute” at all The day before the incident, QG came to poach me but 2 hours before the trading deadline closed they flaked on me, said they suddenly changed their mind and took Uzi instead Then the next day, a few hours before the incident [smashing the base]
VG came to me and said “your salary got lowered by 3x” So everything happened at the same time and I blew up I have some personality issues. I like to keep my feelings to myself when it comes to a lot of things I didn’t want to explain a lot of things. Even if I knew they were wrong, I didn’t want to explain to them It’s easy for me to hide my feelings There were many times when I wanted to talk to a psychiatrist Then the club said to me…EHOME rebuilt itself recently, they got an esports psychiatrist they told me that I could go talk to him Everyday I think about how to control myself, how to improve my temperament. But when things happen I still can’t control myself Final chapter: Tomorrow It doesn’t even have to be LPL, even LSPL offers I am willing to accept Because I am willing to play again, start from the beginning It doesn’t need to be an LPL team. No need to torment myself All I have to do is swallow my pride and start all over But if no team wants me, or if they treat me poorly, or if the teammates are unreliable in terms of skill then I might decide to retire and wait for an opportunity in the future to come back I feel that it has been a very good period of time for me to reminiscence Even though there were times of glory and times of failure, [life] only has meaning if there are ups and downs I also hope my esports path doesn’t just end here. I hope to walk further and longer because life only last these few years, career only last these few years, and the game only last these few years I hope I can continue to compete I really like the feeling of competiting. I hope there will be more opportunities for me competite in the future Am I a loser? I asked myself before A professional esports player who crossed the ocean and obtained glory Returned to his homeland and failed Right now someone is interviewing me Never thought about it Now I am 21 years old, played professionally for 5 years Played 79 professional games in the premier leagues won 41 times Played at Worlds 1 time (Top: they are currently scrimming. I smashed all of their computers) Some say I am cocky and live openly I know what they are thinking. “Keep bragging and one day you will look like an idiot!” What they don’t know is if I close my eyes, I can feel the excitement from the stage I hope VG can achieve great results in Season 6 I feel there is hope for them this season. The team is meshing better and better I hope [VG] can make Worlds and win the championship (Bloopers) Restart I came back at that time because Truth or nah?