I was his punching bag for four years and he tried circumcising me with his teeth- Carole | Tuko TV

for me I never used to feel anything for him I was so done he was like a total stranger but you see I had to be there because of the kids Just that, I was there because of the society, like what would the society say I was there because I needed to be someone’s wife but the moment he hit my head my eyes were open and I decided to leave It’s like a switch was on your head the switch was right here by the way he still found me at home when he came back in the evening with his KSh 200 still at the table He came back and was like oh yeah so you still haven’t left? so you don’t have a place to go to because now he knows I’m an orphan the only person who was supposed to defend me is not there he’s no longer there yeah my pillar was gone right? during Easter while I was going to church because you can’t find a husband while just seated at home when he approached me I felt like I should give it a shot this was like a golden chance for me, so I thought to myself it’s time to hit the road he was working he would come home briefly then fly out back to work

when he came back from Sierra Leon, we then moved in we left everything we had bought to mum and moved into our new home the mother started insulting me saying that I was uncircumcised and so the son will have to marry another wife she said I will not give birth to a son in that family if you cannot give birth to a son then you are not woman enough everything was okay he was the kind of a person who would say he’s spotted my dad taking tea somewhere yet my father died a long time ago he would just leave the house abruptly and upon inquiry he would lie he is going to buy airtime just at the shop nothing he would come back at 3 am but you can’t ask him where he has been even for my customers who would come buy milk and say they have spotted him somewhere, I would tell them his movements don’t bother me as long as he will still come home he started receiving a lot of pressure from his family and because he wanted to instill fear in me he became violent he used to say that I will turn out a prostitute like my mother you understand I didn’t know what to say whenever he insulted me, so I would go quiet I was shocked at all and say I provoked him he felt that he was totally in control of my body then he would say I was his wife so he doesn’t care My body was full of patches just from the way he grabbed me during those moments, I was in pain but he never used to care every other night we went to the bedroom the children cried my son bit him he gave him a slap that sent him rolling to the wardrobe the children used to scream on Sunday he would leave as usual for work whenever he would call to say that he was coming home they would ask when he will be leaving for work again all the drama begun around 2005 just after I had given birth to our 2nd child we had known each other well From the way I was brought up, I learnt to speak up whenever something was bothering me

but he was such a difficult person, he wouldn’t take in another persons suggestion he would even say that the mother told him that I was out to intimidate him that I was beaten there’s a time we were fighting that I was selling so when women used to come for milk they would say she is right there listening to them but at that time I couldn’t come outside she was the one giving those women the milk then they would continue with the conversation on how they called each other when they heard the screams so she was would change her colours depending on the environment? he would just inform me that he was heading home the time I was serving food upon coming back he, his mind has totally been poisoned then he will start insulting me while referring to my sister and my mother I would try to stop him right there telling him to stop attacking my family he would raise his voice at me saying that I was mannerless because I never underwent through circumcision then he bit me thrice on my thigh he wanted to bite off my private parts was he serious? yes that’s the time I bit off his finger that he beat me up again and she said that we were no longer going to hide it from my dad so she called my dad my dad reminded him that he has never paid dowry yet I was cooking and doing everything for him, including giving him children yet he was beating me the father asked which woman bites off his husbands finger I did bite him he also bit me and he beat me to the extend I was swollen all over my father said that I should go home with him and leave the children I was brought up with different step mothers, I did not want my children to go through the same I will come home and leave the children with him I could not leave my children dad passed on we buried him and it was time to go back to my house because everything was okay at that time but I came to learn that during the period I was at home for my fathers funeral some other woman who was a close friend was living in my house I confronted her but she denied and said that my husband wanted to hook her up with his colleague and so they had to meet in my house When I asked him about it, he started insulting me so I let the matter rest nevertheless we continued fighting each day one day he put KSh 200 on top of the table and asked me to leave his house minus the children I was fed up and wanted to leave already but on a 2nd thought I decided to stay when he came back his KSh 200 that he gave me for transport was still on the table he smiled sarcastically and asked why I had not left knowing very well I had nowhere to go to he started mistreating me even more because now he knew I had no one to turn to

insults He said I was now useless no man would want to marry me and I told him it’s fine he said even if I happen to get a new home I would still receive a beating I decided to stay then plan an exit that would hit him hard to know my worth on the house there’s a time he hit my head with a walking stick and I collapsed he got a vehicle and rushed me to the hospital, we had to go with the children because I did not have a house help he reported that I fell down I was discharged on Friday and told them that there’s a woman who will die here some day because of how she is being battered but they found the house locked because I was taken to the hospital when he heard rumours that the police were looking for him he became scared my sister told me that I was no longer going back to that house I told her I wasn’t planning to go back either because even in my hospital bed I was worried where my children would be supposing I died they’re so attached to me I’m attached to them it’s the only people I have a you understand I went to my uncles place and after a few days my sister came and told me that we were going to the police station when I reached the police station, they informed me that they had visited my place and that they were waiting for me to record a statement I was given a P3 form and when I went back to the mission hospital I realized that they had recorded on my discharge summary sheet that I fell down I told the doctor that I was battered and I had swellings all over he wrote me another sheet then I went to a government hospital where they filled the P3 form for me I received a call to go record a statement which I did then I went home they said I got their son arrested the mother was so annoyed and said everyone gets battered at some point and life continues none of his family members wanted to see me at the back of my mind I was a little bit worried that should he stay in the cells he might lose his job On Sunday I rushed to the police station and withdrew the charges on condition the he gives me my children and my clothes and he agreed he stared begging me in front of the OCS saying that I was his wife and that he would not let me go he agreed to my conditions though when we got to the house he had hidden my stuffs my son was with him but my daughter was living with his mother I went back to report him and he got arrested again he went to work, took a short leave and then kept following me around to my uncles place he would waylay me in whichever place, take me to the bushes and beat me thoroughly before escorting me home sometimes he would visit and pretend that he wanted to meet his son

my uncle would call me outside to meet him immediately my uncle leaves us, he pulls my hand and begins his insults saying that I was never going to escape from him and even threaten to beat me there things ran out of hand, he refused to let me go and he would do all manner of crazy things whenever he met me I was plaiting her hair I heard her speaking in Kamba on her phone and we started having a conversation with her I told her my mom was from Makueni and she told me she came from Makueni too she took my number she promised to call me back she told me she had gotten my uncles contacts, that was the brother to my mother I called my uncle and he told me my mother was in Nairobi I narrated my story and I told her I couldn’t go back to my step mother She asked me to take my children and collect their birth certificates then travel to Nairobi She sent me fare and I left at 2 am with my children She picked me at the stage and after meeting her I destroyed my sim card and bought a new one in a womans life I was so done just that but the moment he hit my head and my eyes were open, that’s when I crossed that boundary it’s like there was a switch right in the head yes, the switch was right here and I said to myself I will not die here I crossed the boundary and said I was ready to begin a new chapter I came to Nairobi, got my first job as a hairdresser whereby my salary was KSh 9,000 I rented a house in the slums with my children, we used to help ourselves in the bucket In the evening he would pounce on his sister and beat her up thanks to my mom she enrolled me to a Councillor where I went I never went back there again I said I will counsel myself okay I will forgive him I can’t change that fact but I can never go back to him he would even threaten people with a knife at that tender age that he was affected by what he used to see I used to beat him up until someone told me to stop it and instead counsel the boy I spoke to both my children and told them that if anyone wants to fight I will take them back to their father because that’s where people are fighting he said he doesn’t want to go back to his dad and promised not to fight again I discipline them equally so you begun that humble life we stayed in the slums for one year then I left she begun teaching me all the things to do with beauty, I created clientele and my first commission was enough to enable me move out of the slums to a better house because I had told myself that I was ready to begin from anywhere

where my baby daddy would never find me I moved into a bedsitter then one bedroom yes not just anyone you meet and have no idea about their character so this is how I used to look like? Well, let me move on people asked how I overcame because some said they were going through the same someone sent me a message and said they wanted to kill their children no one should lie to you that your issues can be solved by the elders because at the end of the day it’s the two of you who will remain in that house just never allow yourself to be punched like a nobody and end up traumatizing your children, just walk out no one is justified to batter their wife although I know men too go through the same but they don’t come out easily someone even asked me if I had bleached my skin no I did not, it’s just that I overcame whatever I was going through so the troubles went away and life became smooth again if a man is violent, don’t stay there and wait for death I stopped plaiting hair, I upgraded what do you do now? you are all welcome

just leave peacefully