Why does my husband's family hate me so much? – Christine Mutungi | Tuko Talks | Tuko TV

I don’t have friends, they all left because my husband is poor he doesn’t have a job, he is an idler, someone once told me my husband has only one shirt I have nothing against them, they want nothing to do with me, they don’t know my home, they don’t know my parents she told me some children die during birth so she can only compare me to them she chose the husband over me, she said she loved her husband more than me her blood only to realize it was 2 am I saw someone passing and was wearing bottle tops on his legs, it’s like a witch who was coming from an operation somewhere

after the passed passed I went to the house and dressed up I was passing some round about when someone appeared from nowhere and begun chasing me I headed towards some piece of land while screaming someone is chasing me I just met him when he came he told my grandmother when I went to school my grandmother told my uncle I arrived and she saw me he told her my grandmother has said that he should bring me back to her because she abandoned me since birth My mother told me you have refused to go to a day school so that you can come to Nairobi, seems like you love Nairobi life I will teach you a lesson, I have no school fees how long was it before you saw your mother? I remember in primary school I would visit her 1 week or 2 weeks and she would ask me why? when I passed my KCPE I told him I passed my exams in form 2 when I brought to Nairobi to get me a school I would wake up in the morning to wash clothes when I ask her about school she insults me she would insult me so badly she once told me to go looking for a man to marry me’ cow-peas they had opened a certain school that was up to form 3 I followed the direction, reached there and found out that it was called Canaan School I did not want her to cane me one of our neighbors called Mama Rose once asked her why she always mistreats me when we cook meat Lynn

she would beat me that night and claim I ate a lot of meat I decided that I will not be eating meat when she cooks I would only eat vegetables and not touch on the meat whenever she came home at night she would wake me up just to insult me over nothing after I had gone to that school, spoken to the principal and told him I want to join school but I don’t have school fees please help me he looked at me and told me and I really want to be ins school he gave me a chance and told me to come the following day I had a blue sweater which I was using in my previous school and this new school they needed a maroon one and joined school I told him I will go back to the village and talk to my grandmother to see how they can help me he told me I begun my studies in Form 2 and joined Form 3 I remember one time while in For 3 she would be on her way out to work she never asked about how you are paying your fees? I did not pay during first term I had joined in June in June then in August I went to the village they contributed and I gave it to the school principal he was the one buying me books and even sanitary towels I remember I was using rags I was asking myself why my own mum hated me so much there’s a day she told me someone will be coming over to drop something, I keep it safe for her a man came with a young boy in another plot sometime back I used to see him and I knew his children too he gave me paraffin and left the following day she told me that man wants to marry her I told her but he is married man I even know his children and wife, but she told me I had to shut up because I did not have a say she would come to the house, cook for me then go to that mans house which was in Dandora Phase 2 after some time this man moved in with us and when he came for nothing mum had a lot of compact disks so there’s a time she gave them to a neighbour when the man moved in we took a double room when mu gave the compact disk to our neighbour, she did not return it when he came in the evening and begun looking for it, it was no there he asked mum where it is but mum said she doesn’t know he took a crew driver and pointed at her neck threatening to stab her I started shouting telling him he asked me why I was shouting, I told him to stop stabbing her because already she was bleeding

he told me I will stab her and kill her, I told him that man gave me a dirty slap, he gave me very heavy blows, mum had to hold him and I got a chance to take off he followed me he was threw it at me saying that I had insulted him because he is not my dad, we were actually living on 3rd floor I was lucky it did not land on me because I rolled, it hit a wall and it left a big dent on the wall the neighbors came out screaming please help this child I had to run away that night, I did not even have shoes and it was around 10 pm I reached the stage and asked myself exactly where am I going to, then I remembered I always find refuge in my uncles house I reached a place called Sivo, then I saw a man and approached him, said hi and told him I needed help I told him my step dad was mistreating me and in fact he had chased me who lives in Kayaba I took a matatu No. 36 which dropped me at Stadium On reaching Stadium I had to walk, God was with me Lynn You can Imagine the distance from the City Satium to Kayaba alone I arrived at my uncles place really tale, they were already a sleep my uncle asked me what the problem was, I told him I had even hurt my hand and begun shedding tears I told him everything, the following day his wife gave me KSh 200 and told me to go bring my grandmother because the issue was serious we needed to talk I wnet to the village, grandma had to sell her 3 chicken to get fare for herself and another uncle when we arrived in Kayaba they asked mum to come over when she saw me, first thing she wanted to jump on me and start giving me a beating she said now that you have gone to bring me a judge- my grandmother- what do you think she will even do? my grandma asked her, did you give birth to this child or you picked her? she asked why she accused my grandma of being too soft on me and now I have no respect for her husband grandma told her, husband my food, if he man enough he should also come sleep with me, actually she was really hurt mum said something that hurts me to date even if I forgave her she told me some children die during birth so I am like one of them she chose the husband over me, she said she loved her husband more than me her blood it’s like she disowned me that was the end of the case, so my uncle asked me what am I going to do he told me he will have to get me KSh 40 daily as transport to go to school they sent me away, the man told my mum he doesn’t want to see me in his house, I told the principal I had been chased away from home I used to leave early and walk all the way to City Stadium then board a matatu his nick name was Josto, he spoke to one of the conductors and told him, please just help this lady out she is going through a lot I used to wait for that matatu, drops me at City Stadium then I trek all the way home

when I get home, the house chores were waiting for me, do laundry, cook with assignments waiting for me when I sit down to do my homework, my uncle wife tells me to switch off the lights her children want to sleep I am here being mistreated, I was chased away from home there’s a day I wanted to commit suicide I wanted to be hit by a vehicle and die because no one wanted me, I was like a rejected thing Nevertheless I gave myself hope studied up to form 4, I remember one day I was so hungry, there was no food in school I passed by my mom’s house and told her to give me some food I was dying she gave me some little food, told me to eat fast and leave otherwise I will be killed that day I had to walk home because the conductor who used to pick me was not working on reaching home, his wife insults me saying that I was out there on prostitution I was wondering yet I had to walk all the way because there was no fare I was tired of the mistreatment so I spoke to one of my friends called Flo I begged her to host me because I no longer had peace during weekends we would go out to offer laundry services in order to earn some money Flo had to drop out of school and get married because completely she did not have fees another lady came up with an idea and suggested we rent a small room and begin life we rented a room, it was KSh 1,000. So we would hustle over the weekend and get some money for food and pay rent the landlord was a good man, in October that is the time we came to find out we were not registered and gave me the money for KCSE Why? the principle squandered our money and we were the first lot to sit for nationals exams in that school it was in 2005, Saitoti was the Minister for Education we went to his office made a lot of noice but we did not receive help, we we sent to some place in Milimani we had to trek, 30 of us not registered we reported but we were told it was too late unless we repeat class I got a job in a place called Civil Servants where I used to sell electronics, salary was KSh 3,000 and rent was KSh 1,000 I would remain with KSh 2,000, buy food and other personal needs and also send something to my grandma I got a job in one of the hotels in town

that is where I met a man, we actually were coming from the same place he used to live in Kitengela, Athi River I got pregnant he told me he gave me KSh 10,000 I procured an abortion I started saving, I saved that money in a bank I had to deny myself so many things, I even shaved my hair in order to save I worked to the last month, I was just attending clinic then another lady told me her sister can help me with a Linda Mama card I went to Huruma Nursing to get the card I remember I went to see mum after what happened to us in school, I was so hungry on that day, that thing hurts me to date I saw her through the curtain while I was coming to the house, she was holding a cooking pan that had tea when I entered she hid the pan under the table She asked me what do you want? I told her mum I am hungry she gave me KSh 5 and told me to buy mandazi, she was taking tea, rice liver I gave that KSh 5 to a street kid on my way a time came when they passed though so much hardship they had to see everything and go back to the village it’s like my tears were punishing them so they went to Machakos they told my grandmother they wanted to ask for forgiveness because it’s like I cursed them grandma called me, she told me to forgive them, both of them were actually on their knees I told her I left my grandmas place and traveled back to Nairobi my hate for her became even worse during pregnancy during delivery I had complications, my cervix was not dilating so I had to go to the theater I got a child through CS, the baby was big at 3.8 kgs a boy after 1 year 2 month later a friend of mine told to accompany her to Sudan she wanted to show me some business we bought some shirts in Gikomba which were going to sell in Sudan I left my son under the care of a house girl, I had forgiven mum but I could not trust her with my baby then travelled to Sudan I was operating in Sudan and Uganda and also engaging in small jobs in hotels In 2011 I came back to Kenya, I begun hustling and small businesses after what the father of my child did to me I developed so much hate for men there’s weekend a friend of mine asked me to help her cook for her uncle who had just landed from Switzerland while they were having the meal, he asked who had cooked such nice food and he was told a friend niece he said I want to see the lady so that I can give her something to say thanks my friend told me to go and meet the uncle, he doesn’t have a wife and who knows something might come up

I walked to where he was but with not so much morale because I was already tired with life he looked and told me hey you are a beautiful lady he asked me can we organize and meet up some other time I narrated to him about everything I had gone through and he asked me can you go back to school? I asked him are your for real, he told me I am serious, can you go back to school? I said yes, then he told me I am going back to Switzerland next week, make sure you pick the prospects, know about the school fees and everything about the school then let me know just like that I went to Beauty Point I go prospectors I studied for 8 months and he sponsored me Mum came and begged me to leave the baby with her as I was going to school and I did because I did not have an option I used to live in a room of KSh 4,000, so he paid my rent and fees then I sort my self out with food I learnt how to plait which I did over the weekends to get money for food He came home in December and asked me if I still wanted to continue with education I told him I wanted beauty and he paid for it once more after doing my course in beauty he paid for nail art I completed the course in 4 months and he paid for another one when I was in school I was scared at first so we begun to chat even now when we want to meet I tell him Let’s go to archives I told her but I am scared he might be a kidnapper, so accompany me and watch from a distance so that he doesn’t take me into a vehicle he looked calm, took me to a restaurant to have lunch but I told him I won’t be eating anything, I was so scared I was wondering how to approach him we were always chatting, he took my number and he was always communicating he was so eloquent, I even told him over the phone that I have fallen in love with him he had a nice a voice, I even forgot another man had taken advantage of me and abandoned me with a child when we met that day he went mute and I knew maybe he did not like me I was wondering was it my dressing, baby weight, I was somewhat big while in Sudan I remember I asked him can you love someone who has a child? he asked me a child? he told me a child is a blessing so we met again, I shared about my life he opened up to me about his as well, then he said we plan for the next Saturday he wanted to see the baby we went to the village he met my son and mum, they bonded, took photos although I had not told him much about what I had gone through a time came he was to travel back to his home, he told me I don’t want to leave you, I want to marry you and you were very ready? totally ready to settle down we went to Sheria House, I told my mum I am getting married she asked me why are you getting married yet I have not received dowry, I told her we are going to Sheria House that will come later this man was going back to his country to look for a job, I did not want to lose him that day when we were going to Sheria House, I remember she called me that morning and really quarreled me she said I have become disobedient, getting married with no dowry I did not answer her, we went to Sheria House, finished whatever we were doing then went to have lunch the Burundians had organized a party somewhere, we went there to celebrate we got married on Wednesday and he left on Friday I did not enjoy that much, he left and I continued with my education he had left in July, in late December he sent me fare to travel to his country I travelled to Burundi he picked me with his brother and I was given a warm welcome he was told once he gets there they will rent him a house and provide for him whatever he needs

I had a fully furnished house at the time I was hustling in South Sudan even after getting married I still remained in my house he was sleeping on the floor, they had given him the arm chairs in the house I was taken a back, if actually it was a lady who loves life, she would not want to live with that man we spend on the floor that first night, the second night I was feasted on properly by bedbugs, I did not sleep the flowing day so we had to change sleeping positions so that he sleeps on the side of the wall when we interchange, the bedbugs would follow me I really did not understand what was happening I used to tell him let’s sleep while some gospel music is playing did you travel with your son? No, I left him in Kenya I was there for 10 days, I then went to visit mother in law the bugs did not attack me there She loved me and even told his son he made the right choice she told me even if they went against you, I support you what about his brothers? they did not like me there’s a time we were at his sister’s place in Kabiria with a brother of his I saw them giving him a fulls cap and a pen to write something, he did not tell me what he was writing they were talking in a language that I did not understand the following weekend I went to visit him in Satellite, I was doing some general cleaning in his house and I saw the love emoji drawn on a paper and a Sheri I was suspicious, when he came home I was really angry and confronted him he asked which lady he confessed that his siblings were forcing him to marry that lady and in fact the day we were in Kabiria they had forced him to respond to her letter bedbugs feasted on me until when I travelled back to Kenya I completed school and I was supposed to join him in October and relocated to Burundi We moved into another house he got me a job as a beautician, I was paid KSh 7,000 before relocating to Burundi, I heard rumours that both of us cannot conceive that is what my cousins from Machakos were saying apparently I was told they went for prayers and they were told I will not conceive again that is when I knew he was told by his family he cannot conceive and I was being told the same by my family When I gave birth I stopped attending the Catholic Church because I felt I had committed a very big sin, so I joined the charismatic churches I introduced him to my pastor who went ahead and told him not to marry me because I cannot conceive on the other hand his assistant told me not to marry him that he cannot conceive later I head the same rumors from my cousins when we arrived in Burundi after conceiving I became very sick he took me to the hospital, I was told I have typhoid I was given medicine but I told him I will not take them I was pregnant I insisted I will not take them because I was worried they might harm the baby I took a test and it proved I was indeed pregnant he told his mum I was pregnant and the mum was like, are you serious? because mum was also told his son could not conceive we went to the village to visit my mum in law and she loves me so much the moment I arrive at her place I go to the kitchen, cook and was utensils he was asked to put some water in his shoe

and I was given some water to drink I had to take the water because I was so sick we then left the village and went back to town before we went to the village his brother had offered him some money to divorce me they told him to get a Burundian lady, they will take care of his wedding and even open a business for him he refused and said he cannot leave me because of money, he was so hurt I remember he came home realy furious he told me we are going back to Kenya, I did not like that idea because I had fallen in love with Burundi already he told me we are going back to Kenya I did not understand what was happening because he did not tell what had transpired he only disclosed while we were in town, mum had told me when we go back to town I should not wander around in people’s houses I resigned from work, he got me fare and I came back to Kenya I was hosted by a friend for 2 months, I did not want my family to know I was pregnant because they said I cannot conceive I did not want people to know I sunk into prayers, my husband joined me later, we rented a house of KSh 7,000 and both of us did not have a job we would top up with KSh 500 and hustle on how to get food so I sunk deep in church, I would wake up at 3 to pray he got a job as a tutor in refugee school called Race Course, he used to trek from Kayole to Race Course he would leave the house at 3 am and his salary was KSh 10,000 Life was miserable When time came for me to give birth, I was rejected by 3 hospitals because of the scar I had during my first delivery I was then directed to Pumwani by a friend of the mum to the lady who was hosting me I met the person whom I was directed to in Pumwani on stage and wen took a tax went to the hospital and I wad admitted I had faith I would have a normal delivery but I fainted, rushed to the emergency and operated on. I had my baby at 10 later I was taken to the ward then be discharged on Monday that day some women told me my prayers have worked miracles on their babies they are being discharged too So may of us were discharged the same day on that same day he was supposed to be picked at the stage he was doing home schooling, the driver said he reached at the stage but he did not see him he was doing home schooling an ambassadors daughter the driver who was supposed to pick him did not show up, yet he was on time I sent him a message while he was still at the stage and told him we might be discharged in the afternoon, so he came he had even lost the key he had to pay someone KSh 200 to break the door he only had KSh 100 on him, so he planned to come to the hospital give me that money pay for a matatu as he treks a friend called me and asked if I was discharged I said almost leaving, she told me to wait, so I told him not to come first it was the lady who had hosted me, she came with the mum paid for my taxi, settled the bills and bought me some medicine we all went to the house and I noticed he was not okay my visitors prepared tea for me, washed the baby and left I asked him what was wrong, he told me he lost his job he used to earn KSh 25,000, just like that we have been discharged and he lost his job I asked him how, he said the driver did not come for him so the boss got furious and just fired him we did not have anything, we have to survive I called my relatives but no one was bothered but God opened a door, he left the house to go sell his chain

someone once asked if he could buy it at KSh 20,000, so he was going to sell it off so that we can move out to smaller house that is not cold there’s a place he had done translation, he was paid on that day, he called me and told me to go look for a house of KSh 10,000 I was like where did you get the money, besides his salary was KSh 10,000, but he told me to go looking for a house I got a house and moved in we were still not yet off the hook, we were now sleeping hungry, there was no food all of us, myself, my children, our house help and my dad had already passed on in 2017 he died of cancer, a painful death I remember him apologizing for every pain he caused me Your real dad? no, my step dad he confessed and asked for forgiveness, I forgave him and released him Mum was suffering from arthritis her legs are always aching, she is diabetic, so O told her to get a shamba boy So I was paying the shamba boy, my house girls and rent and we still need to eat my biggest challenge was buying food I remember there’s a time my daughter called me while at work, I had not left them with anything and my husband was like doing charity work because he was not being paid he would only get a salary probably for the first 3 months and that was it I also experienced challenges at my work place, I was not getting clients, people would just hate on me for nothing I prayed and God begun bringing me clients So I was bale to pay rent, the house help and shamba boy my child called me to tell me she was dying of hunger she was 2 and half years and I had not left them with any food my house girls were always leaving because there’s no food it was not my wish I would shop with the little I had then God comes through and we survive no one was telling you leave your man because he was now becoming useless? I once shared my husbands story with a friend because she had connections and I thought she would help him get a job she told me I should dump my husband and get a sugar daddy they said the sugar daddy will look after me well, other women out here are doing the same I said I would rather die poor we went to Sheria house we went to church with only a few audience he has shown me love that I never experienced, why should I leave that love I lost all my friends, they left because my husband is poor he is just there, I remember someone once told me my husband has only one shirt I love him with that one shirt a time will come I have never given up for all that journey, I have been through what can you tell that woman who cannot stay with a husband who has no job?

who have dumped their husbands because they have no job you should’t love a man because of his job, love him for the respect he shows you If God took you to that man he placed you in that marriage you don’t have to despise him when you get to the house or fail to serve him food respect him even if he doesn’t have a job i am late we help each other we help each other we must help each other on this journey don’t leave your man because he doesn’t have a job nothing comes easy and the devil has no free things sponsors are peoples husbands even if a client gives me an appointment at 6 am I will surely be there at times I leave work at 8.20 and by 9.20 I am at home, even with the curfew I simply ask God not to have me arrested because I was out there fending for my family and I get home safe ladies don’t dump your man because he has no job and your family in law my advice is they are also affected in way that they are told not to marry a certain woman or from a certain tribe did you forgive them for what they did to you? I love them they once insulted me when my husband was sick but I forgave them my prayer is we love one another, live in harmony as one big family, I have nothing against them they rejected me, they don’t know me well, they don’t know my home, they don’t know my parents, nor my past life one of them is unwell, I am praying he gets well and may God change all of them I have nothing against them, I forgave my mum although at times she gives me pressure with money despite my challenges, she doesn’t understand at times she reminds me of the past but I tell God Prayers keep me going You have gone through so much I know so many people will be inspired y this story can I see your nails? this is your job you also do hair dressing? You really are good in those ones you will love my massage although I only deal with ladies When I got married I stopped doing massage for men I only deal with ladies they were referred to me by their wives I know when a door opens you will have a big business, I love taking care of my nails too not gel as such but normal nail polish the ones that goes for KSh 90 but I would really wish you get a place where I can also come and support you I have faith, I told my husband

I want you to come back here some day to testify I know you wanted to inspire someone with your story but one day we will sit here and say what is the name? a spur, boutique, I will even start steaming my face do facials I have not done such a long interview please send a message of encouragement to someone out there it’s not not just for Kenyans but it will go world wide you have heard what I have gone through but after opening up I feel relieved please truly even if he will not get a job, I will support him lets, love our husbands, respect them and leave the rest to God he said if he gets a job he would wish to take you back to school I always tell him I must get the Form 4 certificate I wanted to study law but I feel it’s too late You are still young, you can go back to school I wanted also to do family counseling to counsel families with us will place them here and here one day we shall come back here, you know I don’t lie here is the link