Letting Go: A Hospice Journey (Part 1/3)

Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE A DIVISION OF TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P ( man ) WHAT HAVE THEY TOLD YOU, ABOUT WHAT’S AHEAD FOR YOU MEDICALLY ? IT’S PRETTY BLEAK CAN YOU SAY MORE ? WHAT DO YOU MEAN “BLEAK” ? WELL, DR. SLATER SAID, THAT IF I DID NOT HAVE THE RADIATION, I WOULD BE LOOKING AT TWO TO FOUR MONTHS “TWO TO FOUR MONTHS.” AND, YOU ONLY FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS, WHAT, A MONTH AGO ? MM-HMM HOW IS THAT FOR YOU ? TRAUMATIC VERY DIFFICULT TO FACE DEATH AND, I KNOW THAT WE ALL HAVE TO DO IT, SOMETIME IN OUR LIVES BUT, IT’S REALLY SOMETHING, WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU, HUH ? ( woman ) HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SICK ? SINCE OCTOBER, THE END OF OCTOBER BEFORE OCTOBER YOU WERE WORKING ? YUP UP AND DOWN THE PHONE POLES ? STRONG I CONSIDER MYSELF STRONG I HAD NO IDEA I WAS SICK LIKE THAT AND THE CANCER JUST PUT ME ON A ROLLERCOASTER, AND JUST WENT DOWN ( man ) WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN HIS EYES WHEN SHE DOES THAT ? ( man ) SHE WANTS TO SEE IF HIS PUPILS, ARE REACTING TO LIGHT ( man ) HE’S HAVING A SEIZURE RIGHT NOW ( moaning ) ( woman ) THERE, BABY, THERE, BABY I’LL GIVE YOU SOME MEDICINE THAT’LL MAKE ‘EM “DONES” YES, DADDY’S GONNA GO GET IT MAKE THESE THINGS QUIT ( woman ) HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN, AN HOUR SINCE THE LAST ONE ? ( man ) YEAH, ABOUT AN HOUR I THINK I’LL GO AHEAD AND CALL IRA ANYWAY, AND SEE WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT THE NUMBER HE HAD LAST NIGHT VITAL SIGNS ARE ALL O.K HE HAS AN OCCASIONAL SINGULAR TWITCH, YOU KNOW, FROM ONE ARM TO THE OTHER, AND IT’S BEEN AN HOUR OR SO SINCE HIS LAST SEIZURE, AND I WONDERED IF WE COULD GO A LITTLE FASTER ?

THAT’LL BE GREAT, BYE-BYE ( woman ) WHAT IRA WANTS TO DO, IS TO GIVE HIM LIQUID PHENOBARB, IN BIG DOSES, EVERY 12 HOURS, BUT, IRA WANTED YOU TO KNOW, THERE WOULD BE A CHANCE, UNLIKELY, BUT A CHANCE HE’D QUIT BREATHING AND DIE WELL, WITH SEIZURE AFTER SEIZURE HE CAN DIE TOO WELL, YES ( Mike ) BUT, WE DON’T KNOW IF IT WILL TOTALLY STOP ‘EM NO, WE DON’T KNOW THAT FOR SURE WE’RE GAMBLING ANYWAY, AREN’T WE ? YEAH, WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOING IS GAMBLING ( man ) IT’S YOUR DECISION I DON’T KNOW, GIVE IT A SHOT, IT’S THE ONLY THING WE HAVEN’T TRIED YET O.K ( Mike ) THAT’S THE SUMMER ME AND KRYSTLE WORKED WITH HIM, TO GET HIM TO WALK UH-HUH ( Mike ) AND, HE WAS JUST CRAWLING AND STARTING TO SIT UP LIKE THAT, AND THEN HE STARTED STANDING UP AND WALKIN’, AND THAT’S WHERE HE’S GETTIN’ A LITTLE HELP FROM KRYSTLE THREE SHORT YEARS AGO ( Andi ) OH ! ( Andi ) SO HE WOULD’VE BEEN FIVE YEAH OKAY, THAT’S RIGHT AFTER, I LEFT DR. RUBIN, AND THEY TOLD ME HE HAD A RARE BRAIN DISEASE, AND HE STARTED TO GET VERY SICK YEAH ? AND, TIME TO SMILE ( Mike ) AND, THAT WAS JUST, THREE MONTHS AGO HE’S A BEAUTIFUL CHILD YES, HE IS WITH A LOT OF COMPLEX PROBLEMS ( Andi ) YEAH, BUT BEAUTIFUL ( man ) ‘MORNING CAN YOU WAKE HIM UP ? CAN YOU WAKE UP, A LITTLE ? HE’S REALLY SLEEPY YEAH, THAT’S THE WAY HE’S BEEN SINCE– SINCE WE STARTED THE PHENOBARB ? YEAH I’M GONNA SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYES, MIKE ( Dr. Ira ) LITTLE MICHAEL IS DYING, IT’S SORT OF A MATTER OF WHEN AND HOW HE ACTUALLY DIES, RIGHT NOW, DESPITE EVERY ATTEMPT, HE SEEMS TO, BE TENDING TOWARD MORE AND MORE FREQUENT SEIZURES SORRY, BOY ( Ira ) THE DEGENERATION THAT’S GOING ON IN HIS BRAIN, IS, IF ANYTHING, ACCELERATING OTHER SIDE IN A SENSE WHAT WE’RE DOING HERE, IS TRYING TO ORCHESTRATE, A PASSING, SO THAT HE DOESN’T DIE SEIZING ( Ira ) SO THAT HE DIES IN A WAY, THAT IS ACCEPTABLE TO THE FAMILY THERE YOU GO ( music plays ) ♪ I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ ANYMORE ♪ ♪ IT’S A SHAME I’VE GOT TO LIVE WITHOUT YA ♪ ♪ ANYMORE ♪ ♪ THERE’S A FIRE IN MY HEART ♪ ♪ A POUNDING IN MY BRAIN ♪ ♪ IT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY ♪ ♪ DON’T SAY “GOODBYE” ♪ ♪ SAY YOUR GONNA STAY FOREVER ♪ ♪ WHOA WHOA, ALL THE WAY ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TAKE ME HIGH ENOUGH ♪ ♪ TO FLY ME OVER YESTERDAY ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TAKE ME HIGH ENOUGH ♪ ♪ IF TIME WERE OVER ♪ ♪ YESTERDAY’S A MEMORY ♪ ♪ YESTERDAY’S A MEMORY ♪♪ THEY SAY THERE’S NO BRAIN IN THAT CHILD, BUT, THERE IS,

SOMETHING SO PROFOUND I HEARD THAT FROM EVERYBODY THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL CASE SO, WHAT DOES THE FATHER DO DURING ALL OF THIS ? OH, CHAR HE TURNS HIM SO THAT HE DOESN’T ASK FOR AID, AND HE PETS HIM AND LOVES HIM, AND TALKS TO HIM, AND AT THE SAME TIME HE LOGS DOWN EVERY SEIZURE SO, HE HAS, SORT OF LIKE, POSITIVE, DUTIES AND TASKS, SO THAT HE FEELS EMPOWERED, IN CARING FOR HIS SON ? OH, IT’S CONSTANT YEAH, WELL HE IS, HE’S THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS, AND HAS BEEN, YOU KNOW, FROM THE BEGINNING WHAT ABOUT KRYSTLE, THE DAUGHTER ? I KNOW THAT SHE HAD THE FIRST LOSS OF HER MOTHER, NO LONGER BEING AT HOME, IS SHE PREPARING, DO YOU THINK, THAT NOW SOMEONE ELSE MAY BE LEAVING HER, SOMEONE SHE CARES ABOUT ? WELL, YOU KNOW I ASK VICKY TO GO IN AND SEE HER, BECAUSE, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON, IN THE HEAD, AND THE HEART OF A CHILD, WHEN IT COMES TO GRIEF, YOU KNOW, I DON’T THINK MOST OF US KNOW HOW TO INTERPRET IT RIGHT, RIGHT AND, IT’S MY UNDERSTANDING, WHEN A KID LOSES A PARENT, BY ABANDONMENT, IN THEIR MIND IT’S THE SAME AS DEATH YOU KNOW, SO, HOW SHE SEES, HER LITTLE BROTHER DYING I DON’T KNOW ( Ira ) ARE YOU NERVOUS TO GO AROUND MICHAEL ? YEAH OKAY, WHY ? UMM I DON’T KNOW ( Ira ) DOES HE SCARE YOU TO BE AROUND HIM ? MM-HMM OKAY, WHY ? WHY DOES HE SCARE YOU ? HE SEIZURES OKAY, DO YOU FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR BROTHER ? YEAH WHY ? UMM, THAT HE’S ALWAYS ON THAT COUCH, AND THAT HE CAN’T WALK AND TALK HE CAME OUT DIFFERENT THAN ME EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY IS– IS MICHAEL GONNA DIE IS MICHAEL GONNA LIVE ? AND THAT’S WHAT KRYSTLE’S GOIN’ THROUGH, TOO ( Mike ) I SIT HERE AND DO A LOT OF THINKIN’, WHILE I’M UP WITH MICHAEL, WHERE MY LIFE’S GOIN’, WHERE KRYSTLE’S LIFE’S GOIN’ ( Mike ) HI, TIGER DID YOU HEAR ME TALKING ABOUT YA ? DID YOU HEAR ME TALKING ABOUT YOU ? YOU GOT SOME BIG BRIGHT EYES NOW ( Mike ) ME, I DIDN’T WANT TO DEAL WITH DEATH, IT SCARED ME, BUT, NOW, WITH HOSPICE IN HERE, HELPING ME THROUGH THIS, I CAN DEAL WITH IT WE, IN HOSPICE, I THINK, HAVE JUST SAID LOUDLY, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT TIME OF LIVING, AND THERE’S A LOT OF IMPORTANT STUFF THAT HAPPENS, NOW IT DOESN’T HAPPEN IF SYMPTOMS AREN’T CONTROLLED, BECAUSE, MAN IF YOU’RE IN PAIN THAT’S ALL THERE IS, IF YOU’RE VOMITING, THAT’S ALL THERE IS, BUT, THOSE THINGS CAN BE CONTROLLED, THAT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, WE HAVE PLENTY OF MEDICAL POWER, TO CONTROL PHYSICAL DISTRESS, AND, ONCE YOU DO THAT, IT IS OBVIOUS IF YOU DON’T HAVE BLINDERS ON, THAT ONCE YOU DO THAT THERE IS OPPORTUNITIES, IN THE PERSONAL SPHERE FOR THE PERSON, AND THE FAMILY THAT HAPPENS WE’RE TRYING TO COUNTER, TWO GENERATIONS OF PEOPLE, WHO HAVE ASSOCIATED, DYING WITH SUFFERING, BY SAYING, SUFFERING CAN BE CONTROLLED, BUT NOTICE, WHEN SUFFERING’S CONTROLLED, THIS PART OF LIVING THAT WE CALL DYING OR THE END OF LIFE, ISN’T SO HORRIBLE, IT’S POIGNANT, IT’S ALWAYS SAD, BUT, IT’S NOT HORRIBLE, THAT’S AN ARTIFACT, OF OUR MODERN MISTREATMENT OF THE DYING I’M HAVING GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS I’M NOT SURE IF IT’S THE WEATHER,

OR WHAT IT IS, BUT, I FEEL BETTER I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF, I’M NOT AS DEPRESSED I FEEL THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME, SO, I DON’T FEEL ALONE, IN OTHER WORDS ( Ann ) THE FIRST TIME I CAME YOU TOLD ME, THAT YOU WERE HOPING TO COMPLETELY RECOVER ? YES, AND I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU FEEL THAT THAT’S HAPPENING ? OH, YEAH, I FEEL JUST AS GOOD ABOUT THAT HOW ABOUT YOUR SON, HOW’S HE DOING NOW WITH THE IDEA OF YOU BEING SICK ? HE GOES TO CHURCH CONSTANTLY, AND, HE PRAYS, HE’S LOOKIN’ FOR A MIRACLE, AND HE WON’T LOOK ANY OTHER WAY DOES HE EVER TALK ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, IF YOU CONTINUE TO GET SICK ? WELL, HE DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT HE DOESN’T TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, O.K NO, HE DON’T HE DON’T EVEN WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT IT DOES THAT MAKE IT HARD FOR YOU ? UMM NO, ‘CAUSE SOMETIMES, HE NEEDS TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK, ‘CAUSE SOMETIMES I MIGHT BE THROWING A “PITY PARTY”, AND, HE NEEDS TO GET ME BACK, ON TRACK AND, YOUR DAUGHTER WAS TRANSFERRED FROM THE ARMY ? FROM THE MARINES DOES SHE TALK ABOUT YOUR SICKNESS ? IN THE BEGINNING SHE WAS VERY UPSET, BUT SEEING MY FACE AND MY SON’S FACE, SHE HAS GONE TO BELIEVE IN HERSELF IS MY MOTHER IN THERE ? WHERE IS SHE ? OH, THERE HI, HAZEL WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU HEARD THE DOCTORS SAY IT WAS CANCER ? OH, GOSH, I REALLY DON’T KNOW, I JUST COULDN’T BELIEVE IT AND THEN, BECAUSE SHE HAD WORKED EVERYDAY, UP UNTIL THAT DAY, AND, ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE GOT CANCER ? WHERE DID SHE GET IT FROM, YOU KNOW ? THE LAST TWO YEARS SHE SAID SHE HAD AN X-RAY, AND EVERYTHING WAS NEGATIVE JUST THE WAY THEY WANTED THE LUNGS TO BE BUT, NOW THERE IS, THIS IS IT, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I’M IN THE MEDICAL FIELD YES, I KNOW I HAD TO DO PATIENT CARE AND LOVING CARE, AND, MOTHER’S CARE, I HAD TO BE 3 OR 4 PEOPLES IN ONE EVERYBODY PITCHES IN AND HELPS, THEY ALL HELP, I JUST LOVE ‘EM, I JUST LOVE MY FAMILY FOR THAT SHE BEEN THERE FOR EVERYBODY, LIKE OUR FATHERS, THEY ALL LEFT US, SHE STILL HUNG IN THERE, SHE NEVER LEFT US LIKE THEY DID, SO, IF THERE WAS AN EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW FOR ANYBODY, ON HOW TO BE A MOTHER AND A FATHER, IT WOULD BE ANNA TURNER THE DOCTORS BASICALLY WROTE HER OFF, AS FAR AS SHE HAS MONTHS TO LIVE, YOU KNOW, THERE’S LIKE NOTHING THEY CAN DO, THERE’S NOTHING THEY WERE TRYING ANYMORE, TO HELP HER, BECAUSE FOR THEM, MEDICALLY SPEAKING, THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO SO, WE JUST PRAYED, AND SHE HAS MADE GREAT PROGRESS A LOT PEOPLE WE KNOW STILL DON’T THINK SHE GONNA MAKE IT, AND, IT’S LIKE HARD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WHEN SHE BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA MAKE IT, AND WE’RE TRYING TO BELIEVE THAT, AND YOU GOT THESE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, PLANNING FOR HER FUTURE, LIKE YOUR WILL, AND BRING STUFF TO HER, AND THEY BRING THAT DOUBTING SPIRIT JUST HOLDING ON TO THAT FAITH, STILL STANDING ON GOD’S WORD, WE’LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, DOWN THE ROAD ? ME, I DON’T THINK I’M GONNA BE HERE, FOREVER YOU’RE NOT ? NO, I DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO I DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO DIE, NOT NOW “NOT NOW” ? DO YOU HAVE A SENSE WHEN YOUR GOING TO DIE ? AN OLD LADY “AN OLD LADY.” OLD WHAT WOULD “OLD” BE ? 70, 80 WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T GET BETTER ? I DON’T HAVE NO CHOICE ABOUT THAT YEAH, IS THAT DIFFICULT TO HEAR ? THAT SIDE ? NO NO, I’M NOT AFRAID YOU’RE NOT AFRAID OF DYING ? NO, I’M NOT AFRAID I JUST DON’T BELIEVE, THAT I’M GOING TO RIGHT NOW THERE’S WORK HERE THAT HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT’S SOME OF THE WORK THAT YOU FEEL HE WANTS YOU TO DO ? WELL, HELP OTHERS, PRAY WITH OTHERS, BE A MINISTER, I BELIEVE HE WANTS ME TO BE A MINISTER ♪ YOU LOVE ME ♪ ♪ WE’RE A HAPPY FAMILY ♪ OH, MY GOODNESS LOOK AT THIS,

DON’T YOU LOOK WONDERFUL ? HOW ARE YOU ? I’M DOIN’ O.K I WASN’T FEELING SO GOOD YESTERDAY, BUT, I FEEL– WHAT HAPPENED ? I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER TODAY EMOTIONALLY, WHERE ARE YOU NOW ? WHEN I DON’T HAVE ALL GOOD DAYS I GOT A LITTLE DEPRESSED YESTERDAY ANNA, IT’S UNREALISTIC, TO EXPECT TO HAVE ALL GOOD DAYS I KNOW, EVEN WHEN I WAS WELL I DIDN’T HAVE GOOD DAYS ! RIGHT ! YOU CAN ASK RUBY OR SOMEBODY TO CALL US, ME, THE SOCIAL WORKER, JEFF YEAH BECAUSE, MAYBE IT WOULD HELP YOU, IF YOU WERE ABLE TO SPEAK TO ONE OF US I HONESTLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT I DIDN’T THINK OF, MY FEELING DOWN, AS BEING AN EMERGENCY, BECAUSE, I DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF IT WELL, WE’RE CARING FOR THE TOTAL YOU YEAH, I’LL KEEP THAT IN MIND O.K I’LL KEEP THAT IN MIND YOUR NAILS LOOK PRETTY YOU REALLY MUST BE FEELING GOOD, BECAUSE YOUR BACK TO GETTING YOUR NAILS DONE REGULARLY YEAH ! VANITY DOES NOT TAKE A VACATION ! OKAY ! WELL, I’M 62 YEARS OLD, I’M EXTREMELY ATHLETIC, I WENT SKINDIVING MAYBE A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK, AND BACKPACKING IN THE FALL WHAT DID YOU USED TO DO FOR WORK ? I WAS A FIREFIGHTER IN SAN FRANCISCO YOU’VE LOST A LOT OF YOUR CAPACITY, AND YOUR ABILITY, THAT MUST BE A VERY TOUGH THING WHAT RUNS THROUGH YOUR MIND, WHEN YOU’RE LYING HERE AT NIGHT I’M SCARED WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF ? DO YOU HAVE ANY– PROBABLY THE UNKNOWN MM-HMM WAS IT ALWAYS SO EASY FOR YOU, TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ? NO HOW IS THAT ? WELL, I WAS RAISED BY A VERY STRICT MOTHER, WHO WAS AN OLD GERMAN, AND SHE BELIEVES IN “BITING A BULLET” AND DRAG YOUR LEGS BEHIND YOU AND THAT KIND OF STUFF AND YOU WERE ALWAYS LIKE THAT, TOO ? SO WHAT’S DIFFERENT NOW ? WHAT REALLY GETS TO ME IS THE PEOPLE THAT WORK HERE EVERYBODY HAS COMPASSION, AND IF I WANNA CRY THEY JUST SAY GO AHEAD AND CRY AND THAT’S SOMETHING I NEVER ENCOUNTERED BEFORE, IN MY LIFETIME IT’S TOO BAD IT TAKES THIS, TO GET TO IT HAVE YOU HAD ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE ? WHAT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE GO THROUGH ? I’VE SEEN LOTS OF PEOPLE DIE AS A FIREFIGHTER WHAT WAS– CHILDREN, AND THINGS LIKE THAT, WHICH IS VERY TRAUMATIC CAN YOU TALK ABOUT IT ? IT WAS CHRISTMAS TIME AND WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD FIRE, AND I WENT INTO THE ROOM, AND I FOUND TWO LITTLE KIDS, IN BED SO, IT’S HARD, WHEN YOU TRY YOUR BEST, AND YOU STILL CAN’T SAVE ‘EM I THINK HE’S REALLY GOING THROUGH THIS IN A CONSCIOUS WAY, HE TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY, HE HASN’T CRIED IN 50 YEARS, UNTIL THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS PATIENTS SAID WHEN IT FINALLY SINKS IN, THAT THEY ARE GONNA DIE, IT’S TERRIBLE, BUT, YOU HAVE TO WATCH FOR THAT POINT, BECAUSE THAT’S A TREMENDOUS, THAT POINT, IS A POINT OF POSSIBILITY, AND, IT’S A DOORWAY, DESPAIR, TOTAL DESPAIR, AND LETTING GO LIKE THAT, IS A MAJOR DOORWAY THROUGH, TO A NEW PLACE FOR THAT PERSON, WHERE ONCE THEY F■LL APART THEY HAVE A CHANCE, MAYBE, TO PUT THINGS BACK TOGETHER IN A DIFFERENT WAY I THINK THAT THERE ARE DEATHS WAY BEFORE, THE DIAGNOSIS OF A DISEASE OR PATHOLOGY THERE MAY BE DEATHS OF IDENTITY, DEATHS OF EGO, AND IF PEOPLE REALLY HAVEN’T SPENT TIME, GRAPPLING WITH THAT, WITH RULES THAT WORK, REALISTICALLY FOR THEM, THEY ARE DEVOID AND THEY ARE IN CHAOS,

AND, THEY PROBABLY WILL SUCCUMB TO IT, AND NOT SURVIVE THERE’S A POEM, “THE WAY OF LOVE IS NOT A SUBTLE ARGUMENT “THE DOOR THERE IS DEVASTATION “BIRDS MAKE GREAT SKY CIRCLES OF THEIR FREEDOM, “BUT, HOW DO THEY LEARN IT ? THEY FALL AND IN FALLING THEY’RE GIVEN WINGS.” ( Mike ) HI, HOW YOU DOING ? SO PEACEFUL A LITTLE CHRIST CHILD, ASLEEP ON THE HAY ( Mike ) I USED TO BE A RAMBUNCTIOUS RENEGADE, DOIN’ ALL KINDS OF STUFF, AND MICHAEL WENT INTO HIS MAJOR PROBLEMS, I JUST MADE, KIND OF LIKE, A 100% TURN-AROUND, THAT I KNEW A HAD A RESPONSIBILITY HERE, OF TWO KIDS THAT I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF, I KNEW WHEN ME AND MY EX, STARTED HAVING TROUBLES, I WANTED TO BE WITH THE KIDS, AND SHE WANTED A DIFFERENT LIFE, ‘CAUSE I WAS WORKING AS A CUSTODIAN, AND, I WAS GONE MOST OF THE NIGHT, AND, PART OF THE AFTERNOONS I WAS GONE, AND SHE FELT THAT SHE WAS, TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS ALL BY HERSELF, AND SHE WANTED A DIFFERENT LIFE, AND, IT’S BEEN THAT WAY, FOR ABOUT 3½ YEARS NOW, AND, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, SHE WANTS THE PHONE NUMBER TO HERE, SO, SHE CAN SEE HOW MICHAEL’S DOING, AND, THE LAST TIME SHE EVEN WANTED TO SEE HIM WAS, BACK IN JULY ( Ann ) HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS ? LAST WEEK WHEN I WAS HERE, YOU WERE WORRIED, YOU WEREN’T FEELING SO WELL, YOU HAD A COUPLE OF BAD DAYS I’M TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME AND I’M PRAYIN’, AND I’M SAYING, “LORD, THANK YOU FOR MY HEALING, THANK YOU FOR HEALING ME”, I TRY TO SAY THAT EVERYDAY, EVEN THOUGH I DON’T FEEL WELL, I TRY TO PRAISE GOD EVERYDAY, YOU KNOW, THE THINGS THAT YOU’RE TAUGHT TO DO TO GIVE GOD THE PRAISE, REGARDLESS OF HOW I FEEL WELL IF I MIGHT SAY SOMETHING HERE, WHEN YOU START THANKING GOD, FOR YOUR HEALING, YOU’RE NO LONGER OPERATING, WITH JUST THE HUMAN WISDOM, YOU’RE OPERATING WITH THE INFINITESIMAL WISDOM OF GOD, HIS WORD, DIVINE PROVIDENCE, SO, AUTOMATICALLY, YOU MOVE INTO ANOTHER REALM, WHICH IS THE REALM OF FAITH, WHERE GOD OPERATES, AND IT IS VIA FAITH, THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO OVERCOME, ANY PROBLEM ( Bishop ) IN MY CASE, I TELL YOU, I HAD AN EXPERIENCE THIS PAST YEAR, I WAS OPERATED ON FOR CANCER OF THE COLON BUT, HAVING GONE TO THE HOSPITAL, TO PRAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE ALL THESE MANY YEARS, I USED MY BIBLE, I KEPT ON SAYING, “I SHALL NOT DIE, BUT, LIVE, “FOR GOD HAS NOT TURNED ME OVER ONTO DEATH, “THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, I SHALL REJOICE IN HIM”, AND I SAID THAT UNTIL HE GOT INTO MY SPIRIT AND, I’M DOING FINE AND STEADILY IMPROVING ( Ann ) ALRIGHT, YOU RECOVERED ? ( Bishop ) YES AND, YOU’RE BACK, MANY PATIENTS DON’T HAVE THAT EXPERIENCE IS THERE AN ANSWER TO THE WAY THEY PRAY ? ( Bishop ) YES, YES, WHEN SOMEONE ASKED THEM, “HOW DO YOU FEEL, DO YOU BELIEVE GOD IS HEALING YOU NOW ?” AND THEY SAY, “I HOPE SO.” ONCE YOU CHANGE GEARS AND SAY YOU “HOPE SO”, YOU’VE ACTUALLY BECOME WHAT THE BIBLE CALLS “DOUBLE-MINDED”, AND, WHEN YOU DO THAT, THEN IT NULLIFIES YOUR PRAYER WE MUST DIE ! BUT, WHILE WE’RE HERE, HEY, LET’S HAVE A GOOD TIME PRAISING GOD ! ( Anna ) SING AND DANCE FOR THE LORD ! ( Bishop ) LISTEN, BEFORE I GO I WANNA PRAY, AND, WE SAY IN ADVANCE, THANK YOU FOR HEALING, SISTER TURNER FROM CANCER, FROM THE CROWN OF HER HEAD, TO THE SOLES OF HER FEET, IN JESUS’ NAME WE PRAY AMEN ( Anna ) AMEN ! HALLELUJAH ! SHE HAS A STRONG FAITH,

THAT SUPPORTS HER IN HER SICKNESS, AND DEALING WITH THE DAYS, WHEN SHE’S NOT FEELING WELL