The Town With No Name – brutalmoose

[Hiddenblock intro tune] [TV flickers and hisses] [Gauntlet intro] “I’ve not seen such bravery!” [TV switches off] [Ian] I had a hard time coming up with a way to introduce today’s game It’s just one of those games that’s so bizarre, it’s… hard to talk about So instead of wasting any more time, let’s just get right to it Today we’re looking at “The Town with No Name,” a Western-themed game that looks like it was animated in MS Paint, and is just generally kind of weird Developed by Delta 4 Interactive for the Amiga CD³², “The Town with No Name” was released in 1992 to critical acclaim [Chuckle] Just kidding Now, I’m not positive that D4i used MS Paint to make some of “The Town with No Name,” but I don’t think it would surprise anybody if they did You’ll see what I mean Before we get started, though, we should probably check out the tutorial Given that it’s at the top of the menu, it’s probably pretty important [Voiceover] Hello As you’ve just seen, the on-screen pointer is operated with your CDTV remote controller, using the cursor keys to move, and button A to select things Well done. That’s the difficult part over with [Ian] Yeah, so the “difficult” part of this game is figuring out that you have a directional pad and one button to use, so this should be pretty easy To be clear though, I’m gonna be using a mouse and clicking instead of using a joypad and A-button…ing [Voiceover] For example, to shoot this fierce-looking character, just press button A quickly when the pointer is over the target [gunfire] Alright. You’re now as ready as you’ll ever be to experience “The Town with No Name.” [Ian] Now that I’ve demonstrated my mastery of the game’s complex mechanics, I think it’s time to start the actual game [ominous, airy, bit-crushed music plays] It opens with ominous music as a train pulls into a station at a small town located in what is either a vast desert or… purgatory It’s never clearly stated one way or the other But, hey, it is home to the happiest, friendliest-looking spider there ever was Hey there, little guy! [squish] Aw, come on, man, he wasn’t bothering anybody [Protagonist, muffled by the ominous music from earlier] Say, old-timer, what place is this? [Ian] What? [Old Guy, also muffled] Don’t you know where you are, sonny? [Ian] Uh… What was that? Eh, I guess that dialogue wasn’t super important anyway After some credits roll by, informing us of who’s to blame for all of this, we’re introduced to the game’s main mechanic: choosing from a list of options “What will you do now?” the game asks, as we stand next to the dildo cactus How about we get back on the train and forget that any of this ever happened? [a swoosh, then loud whoopie cushion-like noise] Ah, come on now, that’s not necessary [Kid] Come back, Shane! [gunshot] [Protagonist] My name’s not Shane, kid [music] Welp, thanks for watching! It looks like we got through this game pretty easy Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe, and I’ll see you guys next time [music from the game’s ending] Yeah, so this is legitimately an ending to the game; you simply get back on the train, murder a child, and then the train flies off into… space or… through time or something, I have no idea As much as I’d love to count that as a victory and move on, I’m insanely curious as to what else this game has to offer, so let’s venture into the town [music] Whoa! Look out! All right, we gotta get ready to shoot Uh where’d he go? Oh, okay, he’s shooting one of those really slow-moving bullets, nothing to be afraid of Alright, time to practice my shooting and Oh, I missed him for sure [weird vulture scream??] Oh I totally took out that vulture though, that should count for something! [old-time airplane noise] [assailant] You missed me! [weird vulture scream??] [mysterious stranger] He’s done it now. He’s killed Evil Eb’s littlest brother, and that means trouble [grim organ music] Uh- I- O-o-okay According to this guy, whoever HE is, we killed the littlest brother of Evil Eb, whoever THAT is, and then whoever THIS is walks by and- -wait was that supposed to be Lincoln? Where Now?! I don’t know! I have no idea what I just witnessed, much less where I want to head next! But, as tempting as it is to dwell on and analyze what we just saw, I have a feeling that doing so would make this video last forever, so we gotta press forward. Let’s head to the saloon [piano music] There are a number of things we can do in the saloon, but first let’s see if the bartender can help clue us in on well, anything [boing sound effect]

[protagonist, who speaks like John Wayne having a stroke] This sure is a quiet town. Not many people [bartender, with an Irish(?) accent] There are a great many people, stranger, but most of them are dead [protagonist] Next you’ll be telling me you don’t like strangers ’round here! [bartender] Well, they don’t say that ’till near around closing time. [sentence largely unintelligible] [Ian] What was that? What is this? Is this last line even English? [success sound effect] Honestly, I think I’m gonna need a drink or two just to make it through this one [protagonist] Give me a drink, bartender! [whoosh] [Ian] Whoops, I missed it! If your cursor goes off-screen for even a second, it’s really hard to recover [glass shattering] Even then, it’s not easy to catch this stupid drink. I tried five times before I actually caught it Five rounds of this bartender giving me the ugliest stink eye ever animated, five rounds of watching the drink slide past our motionless hero, five rounds of trying to click during the few frames where catching the drink is even possible, only to be rewarded with [joyful success music] [hellish remix of overlapping “Give me a drink bartender” while a baby cries in the background] The upstairs of the saloon is just as, if not more weird than the downstairs Room one has a bathtub in it, which we’re able to use [sound of water flowing, bubbles popping] Y-yeah, okay, that’s cool? [success music from bar scene] The middle room Is completely silent and there’s, like, a sword flying around? I tried to click on it to catch it or something, but nothing really happened Oh Am I… dead now? Or [airplane noises] Geez, I never realized dying, was so… loud [Ghost with No Name] The Ghost with No Name says press Button A to begin again, boy! If this isn’t the most convincing continue screen that you’ve ever seen, then you must have played more games than just this one, because this is slightly terrifying Nevertheless, we must continue, and after passing the beginning part once more, though, this time, my aim was a little better, [Evil Eb’s littlest brother] Dang, that’s torn it. [dying noise] [Ian] I head into the store [shopkeeper] Step right up, sir, step right up, and take advantage of today’s once-in-a-lifetime never to be repeated mega special offer! [Ian] Ooooh my God This is not how you run a store. How are you gonna keep customers if you’re being creepy like this, man? While we’re here, we might as well see what the special offer is, at least [music track from catching the drink at the bar with unintelligible talking in the background] One baked bean, 425 to collect? What is happening here? No, I don’t want your stupid baked bean, I’m just browsing! [shopkeeper grumbles] Wha- okay, let’s just get out of here, this guy Is being weird [narrator] Meanwhile [Ian] No matter where you visit first, this cutscene always follows when you go back outside The story of the game is pretty simple, actually, considering how bizarre the game has been so far You’ll remember that we killed Evil Eb’s littlest brother earlier, which means that Eb and the rest of his gang are out to get revenge For the first few gang members, all you have to do is enter and then leave a building for them to show up The specific building doesn’t seem to matter Anyway, a telegram sent our way lets us know that this guy is Nasty Ned, and he’s ready for vengeance! [Nasty Ned, in a terrible nasal “Mexican” accent] Evil Eb’s littlest brother. You killed him, señor, so I’m going to kill you! [Ian] Well, I am significantly less afraid for my life than Ned probably wants, that’s for sure We take ten paces, turn, and [gunshot] Ah, crap [protagonist] Darn! Just one more page, and I would have finished this book! OK, the line about the book is pretty stupid, but instead of dwelling on that, let’s take a look at each frame of animation for a moment A couple of them almost look normal. I think this one is my favorite, though Unfortunately, since we died, we have to start over from the beginning, a theme that is only going to become even more repetitive as time goes on I reach Ned again, and this time I beat him to the draw! [gunshot] [Nasty Ned] Caramba! That really hurt! Oh, I’ve gotta fall over now, so byeeeeeeee! [Ian] [laughs] I thought that was pretty great! I laughed at that! This is pretty much all that the Town with No Name contains It’s all about wandering around the town and then shooting people The next place I venture Into is the Jailhouse where we’re able to see a handful of wanted posters of people we either have killed or presumably will kill They all seem to be a bit younger than I would imagine After that, I thought the church would be a nice, quiet place to head next, but, uhhh, [loud, bit-crushed pipe organ] I don’t know about you guys but when I need a moment of peace, I like to sit back and listen to the sound of church organs

It’s just Incredibly relaxing and peaceful, [bit crushed pipe organ getting louder] and I really feel it deep down in my soul. [Pipe organ making Ian near inaudible] [bit-crushed choir singing, priest inaudible] [Priest]…I doubt if you will find peace now that you’ve killed Evil Eb’s littlest brother The rest of the gang will probably come after you and gun you down viciously. Still I’m I’ll make sure that Mr. Diablo, the undertaker, finds a nice spot for you outside [bit crush choir singing resumes] [Ian] The Church of the Town with No Name. Come relax here, it’s not weird or anything! When compared to the rest of the town At the stable, there’s a horse that looks normal, and we can either go outside, or steal a horse which is really just [screaming] another way of going outside The town office gives us the option to rummage pointlessly and indiscriminately through the desks, which, of course, I do [protagonist] I searched the office and found this [Ian]Well, they did say it was pointless, so I guess I only have myself to blame for this one At the blacksmith, we find the man with a cigarette, who has some great information for us about Evil Eb, the man who wants to kill us [protagonist] Do you get much trouble from Evil Eb’s gang? [mysterious stranger] No [Ian] Yeah, okay, well given that he’s the town’s resident cool dude, I know that shooting him isn’t going to work, but I’ve got to see what happens [gunshot] [laughs] Of course. At this point, I can’t be surprised by something like this, but it’s extra creepy that the head is staring right at me as it flies off, like, “you did this to me.” Finally, there’s the station, where we can talk to the old-timer [protagonist] Found your spider yet, old-timer? [old-timer] Not yet. If you see him tell him I’m looking for him! [Ian] Apparently, he’s looking for a spider and we knew that, somehow? We can also wait for a train which results in the same ending we’ve already seen Bad news for the already deceased spider So, now we’ve seen all the buildings that this game has to offer, but what about the people we’re supposed to kill? Well, after Ned Is Zippy Zeke, who is [nyoom sound, Roadrunner ‘meep meep’] Zippy When we kill him, though, we don’t get any interesting or entertaining dialogue Just a Grim Reaper materializing and spinning around Crafty Clint is up next, though I’m not sure what exactly makes him Crafty He just kind of hangs out in the corner of the screen. Definitely not the hardest target to hit, and once again, we just see the Grim Reaper instead of anything interesting The next person we have to kill breaks the usual formula of enemies appearing after we exit a building Wildcard McVie actually shows up in the saloon, just not right away We have to play cards with him, but when I chose the option earlier, I played with the bartender Once we’ve killed Clint, though, McVie will show up. At least, that’s how I think it works I didn’t exactly do a bunch of research on this First, though, let’s check out what other things are upstairs, we didn’t get the best look at it the first time Behind the second door, we’re able to kill the mysterious knife-throwing figure by shooting him, instead of the weapon hurled towards us, though there’s no explanation given as to who it is, or what they’re doing there, or anything, really In the third room is the silhouette of a woman who apparently doesn’t approve of how we groom ourselves [protagonist] Oh no! What a time to discover I have a hygiene problem! [Ian] As you can probably guess, this is what the bathtub is doing in the first room After washing ourselves off, we return to the third room, and proceed to do what two consenting adults do. For a very, very, long time Also, apparently, we turn into a frog person? What’s with this voice? [orgasms and croaking] Yeah, yeah, come on baby Ah, well, at least the bartender seems into it. After THAT, we go back downstairs and Wildcard McVie is there, ready to play cards, and [McVie] Okay, we’ll play Chase the Ace [Ian] …just generally be really boring [McVie] We each draw a card from the top of the pack and look at it. The object is to have a higher card. The person- [Ian] HE doesn’t even sound interested in what he’s talking about How am I supposed to get invested? The card game isn’t that important When McVie does well, he tosses an insult our way [McVie] Were you born stupid, or did you have to learn to play this bad? [Ian] …and when we beat, him he accuses us of cheating and shoots us through the table [McVie] Nobody beats me, and nobody cheats me, and you’ve been trying to do both Let’s settle this now, out in the street [gunshot, glass breaking] [Ian] That is, of course, unless we shoot him first [McVie] No- [gunshot] Oh, no. This waistcoat is ruined. And it’s gone right through the shirt, as well! [Ian] There we go! That’s the kind of death scene I’m after! [narrator] Meanwhile! [mysterious stranger] Do you have the right time, old man? [ominous piano and organ music]

[different old man] No [Ian] Alright, that was another good one! I mean that wasn’t just me, right? That got a chuckle Who’s that guy? Who’s that girl? And, really, who IS this guy? Nobody knows! It’s not important! It just is what it is! This guy here is really not happy that we killed Crafty Clint earlier, though if he we to speak a bit more clearly, that might be more apparent [this guy] Crafty Clint! You killed him, stranger! And, so, I’m going to kill you! [man officiating the duel] Okaaaay [gunshot] [this guy] Oh, dear! That wasn’t supposed to happen! [Ian] Once again, the true treasure here isn’t the dying Words of our victim, but the faces he makes while saying them. Like, what is THIS? Did he die while eating a Warhead or something? And the cycle continues again; you killed somebody, I’m gonna kill you! [gunshot] Whoops, guess I’m dead now! Finally, after all of this thrilling gameplay, Evil Eb decides he’s had enough, and comes to fight us himself! [Eb] You’ve shot my entire gang, and to be perfectly honest with you, I’m a bit annoyed about the situation! Y’know, I’m really starting to doubt the authenticity of the vocal work here Is this really what the Wild West sounded like? Regardless, it’s another turn-around-and-shoot segment, and while the gameplay isn’t any different, Eb’s reaction to our victory certainly is [Eb] Go on, then Billy Bob. Finish me off! [protagonist] Billy Bob? [Eb] You mean you’re not Billy Bob? [protagonist] No, I’m just a drifter. I came here to Dodge Gulch to meet my sister [Eb] Dodge Gulch? [drifter] You mean this isn’t Dodge Gulch? [Eb] Nah, Dodge Gulch is the next stop, 20 miles down the line [drifter] Oh. Well, these things happen, I suppose [Eb] Part of life’s rich tapestry [drifter] Shall we go and get a whiskey? [Eb] Why not? [drifter] I’m buying! With all the reward money I got for shooting your friends, it seems only fair [Ian]The end! Y’know, we killed a bunch of people but don’t worry about it, it’s fine! It was a simple misunderstanding. It could have happened to anybody! This game is clearly terrible. I mean, the art is bad, the voice acting is bad, the gameplay is bad, it’s, just, everything is bad! That said, for me personally, it crossed the line into so bad, it’s good territory I chuckled at a good amount of the jokes and I was genuinely interested in finding out what bizarre content was strewn about the game Unfortunately, it’s hindered by one major thing that’s keeping it from being an experience that I recommend to the adventurous retro gamers out there. Discovering the weirdness in the game is fun, but replaying segments is terrible I died pretty often while playing this game, and each time, I had to start from the very beginning No saves, no nothing. I’m assuming all of this was done to pad the games length Seeing every cutscene in The Town with No Name, if you know what you’re doing, would take around 20, 25 minutes, I’d guess But I recorded over an hour of footage and I wasn’t even recording the whole time I was playing The awkward pauses between dialogue that was once strange and funny became frustrating and time-consuming. The frustration of a misclick, or even a click seeming to not register correctly, was just too much for me to say this would be a game worth playing, even if you were just wanting to experience the weirdness If I wasn’t making a video over it, I likely wouldn’t have finished the game, even though I was pretty entertained That said, if the game is still interesting to you, then go for it. What do I care? Before I go, there are a few more things hidden about the menus Despite what I initially thought, this isn’t labeling the current menu as the main menu It’s actually a button that takes you to a sub-menu which is called the Main Menu? I don’t know. The Main Menu features the fabulous making of the Town with No Name bit, a weird montage of texts and images that explains nothing, as expected, as well as a special mystery option, which starts off as a bizarre mix of movie references and, uh, I don’t know, exactly? The second half of the Special Mystery is significantly less special and mysterious, as it’s simply a long advertisement for more CDTV games [Narrator] Chaos in Andromeda: an epic adventure, a sinister plot, an orgy of sound, music, graphics, and animation Edward Meyer Bridges Women in Motion: this groundbreaking multimedia title is an unparalleled reference work for animators, artists, and photographers [Ian] Alright, so maybe they aren’t all games, but if you’re an animator looking for some references, they’ve got you covered [slow music] So, that was the Town with No Name, a game that was actually kind of hard to talk about

It was just so weird Honestly, it seems like a bunch of friends got together and made something stupid, and that’s kind of what I like about it. I feel like if I got together with my friends and made a game, it would be something just as terrible Well, hopefully a little bit better than that Hey, thanks for watching! For more gaming oddities, be sure you’re subscribed to my channel, and you can also check out my video on the FMV game Critical Path Be sure to check me out on twitch as well, and give me a follow And, for something a bit different, you should check out the Did You Know Gaming video on Sonic Generations that I voiced Thanks so much, and I’ll see you next time! Or, you’ll see me, I guess ♪ western music ♪ [man officiating duel] Okay! [gunshot] [Ned] Caramba! That really hurt! Oh, I’ve gotta fall over now, so byeeeeeee!