Words on the screen: Be careful! This video contains foul language. Sorry, bros. That’s how the real life sounds sometimes Clown: And now the cartwheel! Let’s go! Nastya: Something’s wrong C: And what about salto mortale? N. No good … No good C. Oh, your hat N. No good N. No-no-no, no good, no good, no good C. Nastya, let me show you what will definitely work. Look! Op, hold it N. Well man, let ME show you what will definitely work N. Ah, Welcome to AGENTSHOW LAND Universe. Episode six. Our star guest is Miguel. God bless him N. I am fucking tired Voiceover: Miguel, 37 years old. Chorographer, director, producer. The most Russian Cuban and the most Cuban Russian Became famous in Russia after participation in Star Factory reality show in 2004 Today Miguel is a permanent coach and juror in Dance TV show, creative producer of one of the largest dance centers and creator of his own immersive show, which is always sold out Voiceover: TRUTH SHOOTING ROOM Miguel always gives straight answers. So today we are waiting for genuine emotions and vivid quotations from our Truth Shooting Room There are 5 sections, 3 questions in each. Keenness of vision and ten darts will determine. which question to answer. Let’s aim! Let’s go! N. Miguelito, are you ready to talk? M. Okay N. About personal M. Okay N. About world? M. Anything you want N. About global? M. Sure N. About different things? M. And what should I do, tell me? N. There are five sections, 15 questions. You need to answer 10. Choose any, throw the dart, hit and answer Truth shooting room N. These things happen to everyone M. These things happen to everyone N. Not every man may hit the target at first try M. Hold on N. That’s it, the main thing is to believe in yourself at the second try N. I, woman in a pink fur coat, read out a question. Strip dance section. Interesting STRIP DANCE What do you think of coming out? Is it possible in Russia? N. Just in case, that’s not about the show. Remark for young viewers M. What do I think of coming out? In general, if it contains some responsibility for the audience you come out for and you feel it completely, then I am definitely FOR it There are people prepared for this, there are unprepared. I’m not talking about society. Society will never be prepared N. Well, here in Russia. We actually have American community that supports all this issue, builds some networks, which … M. Well, yeah N. Athletes come out, and celebrities come out. People from different areas Here in Russia you’ve got a feeling that some man with a shoe in his hand will appear and will kick your ass if you don’t fix this ASAP Well, in our country people are just afraid to talk about this because they will be fucking beaten M. But people do talk about it N. Well how do they do it? M. Bit by bit people do comment out, don’t they? N. Well, sort of M. Comment out .. Coming out M. Well, they do come out N. Do you have any examples? Who did it? M. I saw the recent Sobchak show with five gays and the three of them I know very well, and I understand that these people specifically have come out Anyway, I really doubted in what they actually discussed in the show It could be interesting for me to watch, but the way it looked it was weird for me, that is, I understand that they will not lead anyone out of the unsettled situation, for example, by speaking, because it was said for no reason. As if something burst in the air and that’s it N. Well, do you think we need to talk more about it in Russia?
Shouldn’t people shrink into themselves? Should they say that there is such a situation, am I a part of it, or better to shut up? Or feel more freedom? M. I think, we should talk N. Should talk … M. I think we should talk this way. Well, people prepared for this should definitely talk about it… N. Discuss, spread it M. But to prepared ones, get it? We understand how much shit they will get after they do it? If they are ready, of course, they need courage Then, yes. I believe that in our world, unfortunately, everything depends not on us, but on people’s attitude, so in this case there is no complete human freedom even in making choice whether to say something or not Anyway, something will have impact on us, and .. well, this is weird time now N. Look M. Phooey, let me hit N. Things happen M. These are my first darts N. Really? That’s cool you do something for the first time and you do it with me. Dance Dance category and the question is: DANCE-DANCE What tricks did participants use to get into Miguel’s team in Dances? M. I may give you a tape full of all those people who used various tricks to N. Seriously? M. Haven’t you seen Dances? N. Well, I have, but long time ago, now I don’t follow M. I’ll give you the tape. There was all sorts: girls with special effects, boys and girls who got undressed. I mean every time they… N. You mean during casting? M. Sure N. And then they opened? They said: Miguel, I will do whatever you want ..? N. No, they are all afraid. Thank God. I don’t know why I make such an impression, but … N. But you can say fuck off to everyone M. I can M. No, I can’t N. An if they call you and say: Miguel, we’ll pay you some money? M. It happened to me, know where? Not in Dances. I had a similar show in Ukraine, at that moment it was called Maidan’s We gathered at Maidan square. Tons of people from different places. I had bribery experience there N. Did you accept? M. Noooo N. Of course you will not tell M. What do you mean? I didn’t take N. You didn’t. Let’s be honest M. I can’t. How can I? N. Well, right, and then she will appear – two taps, three claps and that’s it M. That’s not the point, but the point is.. well, that’s all’s just weird for me N. And were there such cases when they called and said: Hey, look here, if you don’t take my daughter… Strange, why I’m talking with such accent, well, this is probably clear N. Look here, if you don’t take my daughter in Dances, I’ll kick your ass N. Why so? Just like that Well if I don’t take his daughter in Dances… Thanks God it never happened to me Currently we have this kind of attitude to choreography. Like we all have fast life here, so I didn’t have such offers N. Come on, next question M. Almost hit M. What the fuck?! N. Don’t be angry at yourself M. Shup up N. Keep in mind, concentration is a king N. You see! Private dance PRIVATE DANCE Situation when you were ashamed for burning a person down M. At the second year of our dance camp I had a real fight with the art director who actually created all that thing, and I was much ashamed for that many years after, but I had courage to call her, as she lives in New York now, and to apologize N. That’s cool M. As I was completely wrong. It was farfetched, compromised and arranged by other people, so I apologized It’s not a problem for me actually, I mean maybe it was just difficult for me at some moment … N. Well, to be honest, you got and accepted your mistake and you apologized M. Yes, I like apologizing M. Fuck N. Whatever, you hit what you hit. I may tell you … M. Oh fuck, holy shit! N. No guest was calm at … M. I wanna get there! N. If you wanna … M. Wait N. Now you understand the feeling of people who come to Dances casting. Dance dance. The question is: DANCE-DANCE Do you enjoy what you experience now? Or you take it for granted already? M. That depends, because I am very grateful for what I experience. I don’t realize in full what it is, because N. We don’t know what it is M. Well, yeah, sort of is happening. Standard of life? Yeah. Recently, about a week ago I was just thinking: what will happen if I lose everything. And N. It will be shitty M. You know, I came across the TV show “Years and years”, have you seen it? N. Nope M. Oh, it really N. I keep such things away M. Why? N. ‘cause I am 29 already, and I try not to think of such things M. So at 37 is normal, and at 29 already late? N. You, men, are like wine, and we, women, are like plumps M. Watch it It shows so beautifully the situations of the radical change in people’s lives, how they cope with them, and in general … N. Well, you have lost everything You wake up and you don’t have anything at all. What will you do? ? But you are still famous, everything has just crashed – like Instagram will be shut down They say: No more Instagram, so what will you do? So, the project is shut down, something has happened at the channel, etc Your school crashed and there’s only Miguel, you. What will you do?
M. So many ideas in my head N. Will start over from scratch? M. Of course, I will N. And what will start over for example? M. Whatever, starting from my principal profession and additional professions I got in my life N. Which professions? M. I did different things, everything related to performance, I mean I set up lights, I made music, I know how it is done, I choreographed dances, I was director, so everything related to big show business There were many levers I pulled at different periods of my life, I even was administrator and I know this stuff from inside, I know what administrator of concert tours for example should be like, ‘cause I went with Pussycat Dolls… N. I’ve got a question: If you have a favorite foreign artist or at least you like someone, and this artist needs a manager, an assistant, how they call it M. I went N. In Russia you are God among men M. I went with Pussycat Dolls after I became a choreographer in Russia and made money … N. You were an assistant? M. I was an assistant, putting on the scene, I mean I brought the girls on the scene and arranged everything in the dressing room according to their rider, and I did the same in the period … N. And would you do the same now? Well if they told you: Miguel, give up on everything you’ve got in Russia, go to work as assistant for 2 months, and then M. If it was in the moment of my further training, I would go, yeah N. What for example? Training of endurance, fracture? M. Well, you know, if I assist Beyonce N. Well, I would also assist Beyonce M. Then why talk shit? N. Well, yeah, that’s cool N. I hope she will watch this episode and think, just in case M. We are all assistants. We wanna go to you N. If it happens, she will choose you M. Why? Because I’m black? N. Well, yeah M. Racism, complete fucking racism N. It’s not our fault M. And I am a boss-eyed nigga. What’s wrong with me? N. Well! You got mad. Strip dance coming M. Hold on, I’ll go get the darts N. While you’re getting the darts, I will ask you, by the way, your look is fucking awesome M. Thanks a lot. I did my best to dress. I didn’t put this on because N. To your prom? N. So! STRIP DANCE What do you think of one-night sex? M: It’s fine N. Do you do it? How often? M. Very often. At the moment I was single almost every day N. Holy shit! M. I like to fuck N. Where do you get your passion I wonder I think this is only in movies, when a man is such you know like in Dukhless (Russian movie), when he leaves a party with a new chick every night. So, you really have forces every night to … M. Wait a minute N. Have sex with a new person M. Well, of course, not every night literally N. But every other night M. But I practiced that one-night sex and it was often, I mean not committed relations, but have sex and then run off N. I wonder how you get rid of a person? M. Say at the very beginning N. That you stay for a night, and then leave? M. Well yeah N. Women, they may make up any love story for 20 seconds Didn’t it happen like this: Maybe you will stay, wake up together, I cook delicious porridge M. Well, sometimes happened, sometime not N. And you say: I don’t eat porridge. Fuck off M. I am just not bothered at all with such story, I know it’s normal for me, I mean it’s okay if I have one-night sex. That’s it. I get out of such situations somehow N. That’s hilarious M. Haven’t you practiced that? N. Never. Well nope. What a question? When did I have sex without relationship? M. So, you didn’t have this period … well, yes without commitment N. Let me explain. No, I had one-night sex a couple of times, but mainly I followed the idea that if I didn’t have relationships, I had one sexual partner, I mean without commitment, we just have sex and we don’t owe each other anything M. You just fuck N. Well, for me it was much more comfortable to have a reliable partner M. Nope, I adore collecting different stories, as … N. Well, it’s okay for a boy, but if a girl collects different stories M. I think it’s pretty normal for a girl as well in some period, if she really wants to get some pleasure and inspiration to live, why not? N. Because it’s our society. You, men, will be the first to call us whores. And you say: Fuck, I am just a courtesan M: Listen more to people. This is your life. This is your pleasure, your desires N. But people push each other in society So, we arrived at the conclusion that people and society push each other because we can’t say that you have some sexual identity … M. You can’t fuck N. And then you can’t say you can fuck others and you can fuck only after you get married … well as one of Russian bishop or someone of this kind said that all women living with men without marriage are whores M. Who said it? N. His name is Dmitry Smirnov M. I don’t know him. He really said it? N. Yes, he said that the girls in informal marriage are whores. And how will your treat your partner after that? M. Well, I don’t know, I had a great example of my mother, who gave birth to all her children from different husbands, and I was her detailed plan – she definitely wanted a black child And so her relationship with my dad ended when during their last night she said
– You’ll have a son”, so she reached her goal and therefore her attitude towards this process was so light and I had the format of relationships set up since childhood, even when I understand that my mother communicates with all the ex-wives of my dad and they don’t have such a moment as jealousy then swearing about something, they also arrange women’s council, consult about what is happening with their man Since it was all absolutely calm in my life, it probably happened that for me it’s much simpler and easier, and, in this case, I don’t put labels on people N. I agree M: .. who just like to fuck, make love, sex, you may give different names, I mean I fill my collection when I have one-night sex N. With experience? M. Even with one more life story. You know, I like how it all starts and achieves its peak and how it ends, because this is the period you live your small life with a person And these small stories were very pleasant when they happened in my life N. Is the puck-up line always the same? M. Always different N. Do you already feel he person? M. Yeah, this is not the sex is the same with everyone. No N. I agree. We have only one life, and as we are alive we need to fuck M. As long as you want N. As long as you want and you can. In your case, well men often have problems at 40 M. Well, yeah, that happens N. Op, Strip Dance. Okay STRIP DANCE Three things in Russia you are sick and tired of M. I am really sick ant tired of Moscow winter, early spring or late fall. All this period in Russia N. Weeell, this is Russian weather. Go on M. I am sick and tired of Russian weather N. Okay then. Will count it M. In Russia I am sick and tired of N. Come on, don’t be afraid M. I am not afraid at all! N. Don’t be afraid to say it M. I am trying to list the thoughts in my head N. Don’t be afraid to say in the world M. Try to get me, I really live in some vacuum, in a bubble a bit. And I understand it’s okay for me N. You separated yourself M. Yes, as soon as I leave it, I will really be overtaken with what I am really sick and tired of in this country N. So, what are you sick and tired of? You left your bubble… Maybe people are angry there? M. Well it’s all clear with society, the one that surrounds us – yes, I am bit sick and tired of it N. And what exactly? What society? N. I give a damn that they are not enough aware to discussing something N. Very often. I agree. Our people like to be haters M. I give a damn that they are mainly angry. Not angry even, but tired N. Well, now they will say – we are tired because the government doesn’t like us M. Yes, this fatigue is accumulated bit by bit and then grows into anger I am sick and tired that in Russia I can’t get inspired and filled by people when I meet them on the streets, because mainly they represent a mass ready to tear you to pieces These things of course. Yeah. But besides, there is something else, but I gave exact answer to your question N. Weather and people M. Weather… I am sick and tired of stupidity Nonawareness, like I said from the very beginning, because some Russian people, to be more specific – the majority of them, they don’t know what they sign when they do it, for example, they are not able to go deeper, to get it and to make real choice N. To evaluate something… I agree You know let’s just take YouTube. We post a video, and they say: I won’t even watch it – take your dislike, and they write shit in the comments, I mean you haven’t event seen, watched, rated, you just came to do shit and if you think so it relates to many other things And that’s fucking bad, ‘cause everyone says it, ‘cause I decided so M. I don’t like people’s attitude to choice in our country. That’s it. Unfortunately, they are unable to choose N. Absolutely right. I agree with you M: Well … what the fuck N. It’s okay M. Get away N. Let me direct you M. Okay N. Hold your hand like this, aim a bit backwards and Op! Well almost M. Almost hit N. Hips wide, apart M. Wait, yeah N. That’s it. My method works. Dance stars DANCE STARS Who is the worst dancer on the Russian stage? N. Don’t say no one. We’ve a huge amount of performers, singers M. Well they all are bad dancers… Nope, they move okay, but only few some really dance. And no one dances here N. No one dances here Everyone makes the show. And what is the show about? About dresses from Russian designers? M. Well, it doesn’t relate to everyone, of course N. Well, okay. Is there anyone you look at and think: What the fuck? How can you call it a show if it isn’t a show at all? M. To be honest? N. Yes, this is truth shooting room M. I fucking haven’t seen anything for 10 years already N. Really? M. Yes, I even can’t watch it N. Well believe me – nothing has changed there for 10 years
M. I like pertinent artists N. And what is a pertinent artist for you? M. For me a pertinent artist? Well, it is in the way he presents himself on the stage N. Who? M. The way he presents himself on the stage N. Morgenstern N. Beyonce for example. It’s clear that in Russia M. Let’s look at the artists I follow N. Let’s look. Who do you follow? M. I follow Tina Karol N. Tina Karol is fucking awesome, by the way. She’s fucking awesome M. So, I follow her N. She’s got fucking amazing voice. And Ukraine is okay in this respect Nothing personal, but they really can make a show M. Well, … probably N. Well, she’s dancing something M. Well she’s dancing okay N. She distributes well M. And she has a well-directed program. This is really very-very decent N. And in Russia? M. Everything that happened, at least with me at Songs show, season 1, when our young performers were just arriving, so as for MALFA brand that is now in Black Star, I was every time horrified and couldn’t understand at all why the person was there. That’s it actually N. I agree M. There are no extra talents in Russia N. Let’s do this way. Who is in front of your mind – who does it pretty fucking awesome? At once. Are there any? At least one or two? M. There aren’t N. That’s it. That’s what we are talking about. Let’s move on. No. None M. Well, fuck N. Let me give you some space M. That’s it. Come on N. Dance Stars DANCE STARS Russian show you watched and thought: oh God, what a shit, if I directed it, it would have been much better M. I watched MusTV (Russian music channel) awarding ceremonies a couple of times and I was always fucking shocked M. What the fuck is going on there … N. Three-ring circus. Let’s just make it final and move on. Well you may comment upon, if you wish M. And what for? N. MusTV awarding ceremony is yeaaah… M. What comment upon? And you know what’s weird every time? ? I don’t understand how people managing these structures, channels … well, they attend such events. Don’t they ask anyone: Where is fucking money? N. Yeah M. Where the fuck is our money. You just wanna say – what the fuck DANCE DANCE What may drive you nuts in your work? M. Lack of professionalism N. That’s good staff really. Make examples. Lack of professionalism in what? And in general what may you do to a person who showed himself unprofessional? What’s your reaction? M. I had a wide range of reactions – up to microphones throwing. Of course Not straight in the person, sure, but because of anger I mean I may be really weaned from my follies, mainly performers drive me nuts, the ones I am working with sometimes, their lack of professionalism N. The ones who need to dance? M. The ones who generally need to do something on the stage or in theater, in movies, wherever For me personally pure lack of professionalism is that no one likes to work hard in Russia N. Fuck! You took the words right out of my mouth. Pretty boy! Miguel, we are best friends. We’ll get fucked after this episode. They’ll kick our asses M. We are few, people who like working hard, and for me the highest degree of professionalism has always been the fact that the person follows unquestionably the instructions of the people who “create” him N. Well, our performers just come and get the situation for granted M. Like set up this, make that N. I am not like that M. I’ve got a huge amount of such examples, you can’t even imagine N. And how can you work in such conditions? M. Lolita (Russian singer) once said fuck you right on the stage, even before she saw the spot I directed for her N. Why? M. Because she just wanted to. She was in such mood and it was kind of: What have you done here? Get fucking everything away from here. I will sing. Have you actually heard a song? Do you get what I sing about at all? This is Vladimir Central (name of Russian thieves’ cant), what chicks, what cages? N. And what was after? She apologized? M. No, what are you talking about? This thing also relates to professionalism No one can apologize in Russia N. That’s great. Great M. Money Dance MONEY DANCE The most shameless project you participated in N. There is one? Get it? M. Yes! N. Come on! M. In fact, I regret that the producers did not accept my idea, because at the moment when we finished the project, which was called “Movie show” on NTV, I ran to the producers, saying: “Guys, you have kilometers of video about how the show didn’t work out. ” With such a shit, you can’t imagine at that moment, when for 12 hours in our room, where there was not a single air conditioner, and with people who were sitting on cinema armchairs, they fell sleep at the 12th hour, and our gunner, who felt very hot, he was already sitting naked Sweat flew down from him, he tried to adjust the gun for 12 hours It got so bad to such a trash. And all this was filmed. I said: “Guys, you have to make something out of it, and this will be the most popular TV show about how really it is all filmed and how really it all happens.”
But they refused N: Amazing answer. We all get hype, and I give you a little bonus M. Another question? N. No, not another question. As I don’t give interviews M. Why? N. I just don’t want to M. You don’t give interviews at all? N. At all M. To no one? N. To no one M. And you never did? N. Yes I did, but very long time ago and for the last two years I don’t do it M. And why don’t you do it, I wonder? N. I don’t know, just don’t want. I just stopped at some moment It wasn’t interesting. I accumulated energy So, I offer you to use the bonus and ask me any question you wish and I will give you an honest answer M. Will you give an honest answer? N. I swear M. Are you happy? N. Very much. That’s it. Fucking idiot. You lost such a chance … M. Well, seriously, I like having happy people near me N. Sure M. Are you happy? N. Very much. Of course M. And why? N. And don’t you feel it? Well, because I’ve got everything I want I’ve got my peeps, true friends, I’ve got love, the job I adore, I’ve got a chance to talk to you after I’ve been watching you on TV for 3-4 years I swear I was lying on my sofa with my sister here, my mother here, cat here, brother here M: You were watching Dances? N. Yeah. We had a huge pack of potato chips, beer and we were watching Dances We had some favorite participants, we were emotional. Someone was nervous, someone cried M. This is sweet N. That’s it. Now I have an opportunity to talk to you about personal M. I am happy for you. This is cool N. It really is M. I am also fucking happy N. Chose the toy and let’s get out of here M. Let’s go N. Take everything. You may afford M. We are leaving, right? N. Yeah, yeah – Guys, please sorry for interrupting the episode, it won’t take long, I’ve got just one question that bothers me for ages, and maybe you know the answer – How does Curtis make so delicious, yummy and amazing tea – Put on the glasses and you’ll know – Oh, the tea.. And who are you, Mister? – Hi Nastya, I am Kirill, we are in Curtis tea laboratory Here we store the tea reference standards and ingredients. For example, this is cornflower from Blueberry Blues tea -I even feel the flavours – In Blueberry Blues there are blueberries, blackberries, currant and the same cornflower – Look, this is really a cool thing! – When the formulation is made, the tea tester works with every single component particularly We need to brew berries and flowers to feel the complete fragrance palette – Well, give it to me. Whatever else, but I never scented brewed cornflower – And now the most important thing – he tastes all these things to set the proportions Then he calculates carefully the amount of each ingredient, as the formulation is made based on the taste sensations of tea tester completely And it works for every fragrance in the big Curtis tea collection – But it’s not him who puts the tea in the tea bags? – Nooo Nastya, this is made using high technology and ultra-modern equipment at the factory – So much movement just for me to enjoy the fragrance and the taste of Curtis tea – Everything for your pleasure – Okay guys, while I’m smoothing my hair and come round after this journey, click the link below, buy Curtis at good price and take part in top smartphone giveaway – Do you see the label? It was, it is and it will always be here FUCKING CRACK WHEEL Voiceover: Well, you get the point. It will not go anywhere, but it will certainly deliver Nastyushka and Migelyushka to the land of amazing haze! Players take turns spinning roulette, where a noble challenge hides in every sector You can refuse to execute only twice, but then you have to turn the wheel one more time! FUCKING CRACK WHEEL N: Migelyushka, dear M: What? N: I watched some shows with you. I know you have vivid reactions to some troubles, but this is normal, it is a good reaction, a healthy reaction M: But I get used to some troubles simply. What troubles will we have now? N: They are M: Different? N: … there will be new ones both for you and for me, because usually the hostesses mock the guests, sit and watch, and here we will suffer together, because we will participate in the “Fucking Crack Wheel” M: Fucking awesome N: We take turns spinning the wheel. Here everyone has 10 sections You need to complete 6. You can say “no” two times. If you say no M: Wait. Again. 10 sections N: 10 sections per each M: But what’s under that? N: Blue is yours, pink is mine M: Ah, of course N: For example, an arrow fell out. You get your blue one, read and complete the task
You can refuse. If you refuse, then you spin the wheel further and which one will fall on – do the next task We wanted to beat up both of us with a stun gun, but then we found out that you faint and get very sick M: I need. I will run away N: We did not want to be involved in the murder, so we decided to simply refuse You can skip twice. No more. The rest is exclusively performed. Or you are a wimp M: With you? N: Yes. Take turns. The two of us are starting .. THIS is a survival game N: There it is. This blue one. Here. “Mouse dance.” Look, read it. Come on, read it M: Dancing with a blindfold. Charged mousetraps are scattered around you N: Dancing without shoes. In socks M: Fuck you N: Yes, yes. Exactly there N: Come on, you shouldn’t watch. Come on in here so you don’t stand barefoot on the shabby rug I’m starting to put on a blindfold M: Wait N: Do not. You will watch M: NO! Fuck, no [laugh] N: Relax, man M: Wait, at least let me see how they look N: Nooo. NO! M: Wait a minute N: This is all fucking crack. I hold him, boys, I hold him M: It hurts! I have a hygroma on my thumb, I can’t do this .. AAA! Fuck you M: You promised to be with me, but you are pushing into the depth N: Stop. I’m turning you around M: Where are you turning me?! N: Faced with the dance floor, fuck. Oops! And go! Forward! We are dancing chiki-piki! One! More active! Two! Well? Tyts-tyts! M: Fuck! N: Let’s go! Let’s go! M: Where are they? N: You fucking move! M: How to move? 30 seconds have not passed yet? N: You cannot stand in one place. Legs M: Yes, it’s done here?! N: It’s done, it’s done, it’s done M: Is it done? N: Yes, that’s it. Go here M: Where are you taking me? N: Right, it’s done, it’s done N: Iqos hell. You put your head in a transparent box on four sides, people with Iqos approach and exhale steam in the box for 30 seconds N: Scum, I can hold my breath M: And where is the time? Who has the time? N: Phew, fuck. How can you fucking like it? M: And give me a smoke? N: Fuck N: Boys, this is fucked up. Pheeeeew. Fuck, does anyone take time? I’ll die now M: Another 15 seconds N: My eyes are watery, boys. I swear to God Someone: You look at her face N: Holy crap, I’ll faint now. Better to smell cow shit Time! M: Come on, too early N: Yes, 30 seconds have passed. Sanya, fuck! N: Passed? M: No N: What do you mean? Are you all motherfuckers? N: Your turn M: Can I go the other way? N: You can, Fuck M: The tenderness of Mr. X N: So, what could it be? Read N: TAKE IN MOUTH M: Take the big toe of an unknown person in mouth for 10 seconds N: Oops! M: Nooo N: Well, why not? So, he will be here in a minute. How will you do it, on your knees, will he sit on a chair? M: Wait. And when can I refuse? N: Well! You can refuse, by the way You can refuse, but you cannot turn off the next move that you cannot refuse. That is, you spin again M: I don’t want to stick a finger in my mouth H: Absolutely? M: Well, what’s the point? N: What you mean what’s the point? New sensations. How old are you? M: 37 already N: Well, haven’t you for 37 years M: I am ready to put in my mouth the big toe of a person, but a loved one, my person, a person whom I normally know N: Me M: I see you for the first time
N: Well, what do you mean? M: “what do you mean, what do you mean” N: Let’s see Mr M: What is the difference? This man has legs, whose big toe needs to be put in my mouth! N: So what? Wait. Relax. A person happens … Well, for example, vibe. We have vibes between us M: Well, no, I will refuse if something is not right N: Yes, you have the right to do so. You have a right to refuse twice Then once again you will spin and refuse is no longer possible M: Good. No, I refuse. So N: Let’s look at him M: He has been going on for too long. He is already late N: Come here, my dear. Oh my god, this is a dear one This is our dear, our favorite. Finger, look, with manicure, with a pedicure M: No, no, no N: Are you sure? M: No, no. Moreover, he walked on this floor N: Phew, I still have a herd of sheep in my nose M: Straight miss N: Straight miss? No M: STRAIGHT N: NO M: STRAIGHT N: Yes, fuck M: Miss N: Wait, let’s go here M: Where are you going? N: Look … Okay, in short M: Ice barrel … Nipples in a pickle N: Listen, what’s wrong with you men, in general M: Can I choose any of this? N: NO! M: Why? This is exactly, look N: Here, exactly. Ice barrel M: You dip yourself three times in slips in a barrel filled with ice water N: It’s like baptism M: I do not … I mean I am baptized, but I do not really celebrate this holiday N: Well, you’ll celebrate for all your 37 years. Well, cheer up finally. By the way, the water is really icy M: No, fuck this shit, I will catch a cold, I’m afraid N: That’s all, no, yes? M: No N: Good. This is your final “no” M: Yes N: You spin it again M: And what are we playing? N: And we will find out at the end M: Wait, what are we playing for? N: We will find out at the end. Intrigue is our queen [whispers into the camera: “No matter what”] M: In general, I have plenty to choose from N: Yes, yes, by the way – you can return someone M: Okay N: Yes, you can replace … Aaaand “Shit on the fan.” May I read it? This is crap. Manure flies to the fan, and then to your face. You can’t evade, just turn around M: And whose shit is this? N: Cow’s. Today I did not have much with the intestines, I could not Come on, boys. Shit on the fan. Can you handle it I, just in case I can help M: What does this mean? This whole crap N: In the face N: Believe it … well, yes M: I think you’re talking bullshit. You just cooked it “Well, yes, the whole box” N: Listen, hold the ring. Do not sell it. Turn on the fan M: Yes, come on, to full extent N: Oh, you are so fucking determined M: Well, what the fuck N: Throw from this side? Get up, let’s try M: With this one? N: Stand up from here and turn up, your fucking face under the fan M: Wait N: Give me the gloves. From another side? M: Of course. Look, give it N: Yeah, fuck M: What are you afraid of? N: Fucking invention M: Come on, throw, you can throw the whole bucket N: It sticks! M: Phew, it fucking stinks N: Who invented this? M: Where are the glasses? N: Move fucking closer M: Give me the glasses N: What fucking glasses? M: What does it mean what fucking glasses? And if it gets into my eyes N: Well, close your eyes. And just feel the wind blow M: Wait, will you do this until you hit my face or until all the shit ends? N: Until all the shit ends, and until we hit your face. Come on, Miguel, get up. You’re talking too much M: Fuck myself, of course! You’re shooting shit in my face in the show. Are you really sure what you are doing? N: Not really M: Well, mummy, you now N: ON T-SHIRT! MY HAIR, FUCK M: Come on again! N: That’s it, come here M: No, fuck you! N: Phew, fuck, Miguel, come here. Everything is clear M: Well, no. Fuck such things N: Either do it, or I will return a fucking man with a toe. Look, everyone came to see M: I will dip myself into a bucket. Fuck you N: Really? Dip yourself? M: So, now you once … Phew, fuck how it stinks N: No, not once, at least a minute. Okay, come on at least one. Get up soon
M: Ah, you bitch N: Nooo M: This is not fair. He should have thrown in me. Look what you’ve done N: Look at their hands, they are weak M: Look what you have done! Generally, a great show N: We tried to do so N: Be a cat. On all fours go to a bowl of wet cat food and enjoy it without using your hands N: That’s it, here we go. Meow-meow-meow, yum-yum-yum M: Do not eat it, I’m begging you, wake up Do not! Phew, fuck Don’t you eat! Why is she doing this? Yes, relax, do not eat! You are crazy? N: That’s it, I completed the task N: A small post M: You post on Instagram, talk with followers N: … with an ass, spreading and bringing the buns together with your hands Text: whoever understands life is in no hurry, I am sharing this wisdom with you, and even if my mouth is full, I will find out how to talk with my friends. Then you turn around on the camera and say: “Isn’t it cool?” Well, this is better than taking a stranger’s toe in his mouth, so take off the jumpsuit, I take the phone and come on M: What, with bare ass? N: Yeah M: Well of course N: No, in pants. You turn and just work your ass M: “even if your mouth is full …” N: I’ll hold the phone, come on. Go! M: Whoever understands life is in no hurry, I share this wisdom with you, and even if my mouth is full, I will find out how to talk with my friends. Isn’t it cool? N: Fuck it. Let’s post it M: What are you adding? Any hashtags? N: No, just Miguel’s wisdom M: Miguel’s wisdom M: Idiot N: There you go. Moscow, Russia. Share. Oops! And hold on until the second of April. Ready, quality content has arrived N: “Hole man.” Fuck you You lie down with your cheek against the floor and you open your mouth. An opponent is trying to get into your hole This is in my mouth, I mean … with three attempts by a hairy golf ball. And whose hair? M: I’m already here. Whose hair? Clearly fake N: Fuuuuck. I won’t, because they’re really in shit and someone’s hair It’s corona virus everywhere … Fuck it M: Yes, you shouldn’t. So we aren’t afraid of shit, but are very much afraid of hairy balls H: Op M: Why are you spinning? N: I missed it. “Watermelon head” Beat the watermelon with your head. Piece of cake N: Oh, my pants are off N: Fasten my hair, master M: No, I won’t, you will now be left without hair N: Let’s check, well, okay? M: Without hair N: But doesn’t it bother you that I can be without a head and without brains, with a fucking crack? M: Who invented this? Well done. Look here N: Master, now, I will break this watermelon at first try M: Better, I will not hold your hair. Come on Wait, I’ll take it N: Fuck, it hurts M: No, now there will be a boom! and that’s it. You will not break it N: Let’s do this way – I’ll make a tiny dent M: What dent? You will not break it. You will bounce at most to the barrel. No matter how hard you try N: Fuck, it hurts a lot – Guys please do not roll your eyes, do not! These things happen. It’s normal practice – 2 commercials per episode
Please get in my shoes, I am under quarantine and I need to do this commercial, besides it will not be a commercial of any old thing or person, but of the posh, fancy smartphone. Cross my heart it won’t take long – So, what’s the main point in isolation, well except for nice little wine and munchies, of course Right, gadgets, for example this Huawei P40 Lite. And what’s the main thing in smartphone Right – camera, and there 4 of them here, holy crab, 48 MP All in all, I am sitting on my sofa and I can check how much disinfector is left on the kitchen Huawei’s top feature is also that on button is at the same time the scanner of my finger It also has its own Appstore App Gallery. So, you definitely won’t be bored at home – Of course Huawei P40 Lite has a powerful battery, but sometimes even this battery is low And then super charge steps in, and in just 30 minutes the phone will be charged till 70% And the cherry on top: Huawei will soon present its own payment system Huawei Pay available on top-of-the-line smartphones And that’s it! And you were scared and shivering. Let’s go on watching Miguel SAVE THE LOVIE Voiceover: Agent Land’s eternal hit! Whether the shaft of troubles will fall on the head of Miguel’s “lovie” depends only on him Today the questions are devoted to their relationship, and also to such a distant and at the same time close Cuba Correct answers will save the “lovie”, but the wrong ones will be severely punished SAVE THE LOVIE N: My favorite item: “Save the lovie.” In this cube there is your close and beloved person You know this person, you love this person and, as they say, we will save the lovie now We will save the lovie by means of questions and correct answers If the answer is right, nothing happens to the person, if it is wrong, different things happen M: Scary things? N: Nothing scary. At most some worms, cockroaches, spiders, etc. Ready to see who it is? M: Yes N: Boys, open the cube. This is Anechka M: Panfilova? No! Anna: Hey! N: Your friend, as well as a family doctor A: Hi! My name is Anya, I’m Miguel’s friend, we’ve known each other for about 12 years, and when I received a message offering to participate in this show, I first agreed and only then they sent me a video, and I realized what it was, but nonetheless, I decided to fit into this adventure, because why not I am sure that Miguel certainly does not expect to see me here and will be very surprised N: What color was Anina’s car that you once pushed with Timur? Cherry, black, swamp, blue. The time has gone M: Blue! N: No, this is the wrong answer. Swamp! N: Beef chucks. What? M: Let’s go further N: This is not shit, say thank you M: Beef liver, great N: Which of these cocktails is not originally Cuban? Clara de Limon, El Presidente, Daiquiri, Mojito M: Daiquiri N: This is the wrong answer. Clara de Limon. And that’s … sparkles! Miguel, it’s beautiful. These are sparkles N: Sparkles and bovine intestines N: At what point did Anya realize that Miguel became famous? Going to the cinema, Correspondence on the Internet, talking with a friend, going to Starbucks M: Going to Starbucks N: This is the correct answer! Let’s change N: Which of the listed cigar brands is NOT Cuban? Komba, Partagas, Te Amo, Bolivar M: Te Amo N: This is the correct answer! Let’s change N: Which of your qualities is the most important according to Anya? Positivity, Diligence, Sincerity, Patience M: Patience N: This is the wrong answer! Sincerity! And red worms will fly to Anechka now M: Anya! Shake it off! Come on next question faster N: This is the sincerity N: Which of these animals lives in Cuba only? N: Anteater, Solenodon, Varan, Honey badger M: Once again! N: Which of these animals lives only in Cuba? Anteater, Solenodon, Varan, Honey badger M: The second thing was? N: Solenodon M: Solenodon! N: This is the correct answer M: And these are nails, fuck them. Look solenodon A: I do not look, do not pay attention N: This is terrible. And look how beautiful it’s with sparkles M: By the way, yes N: Fish intestines N: What song played when you drove and danced with Anya and her son in Kiev? A little party never killed nobody, Get Lucky, Moves Like Jagger, Wrecking Ball
M: Get Lucky N: This is the correct answer A: I adore you M: Come on N: Who was Fidel Castro by education? Lawyer, Doctor, Physicist, Economist M: Doctor N: This is the wrong answer. Lawyer. What is this? M: This is an Aperol Spritz, right? Aperol? A: Useful M: Is that all? M: Mummy, you are standing in shit with worms and fish oil. Why did you agree to this? A: I’m in sparkles, this is the most important thing M: You’re fucking N: Which of these characters was born outside Cuba? Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, Tony Montana, Andy Garcia M: Che Guevara N: This is the correct answer A: Thank you N: Leave it M: Where do you leave it? N: Leave, this is my right, this is my show M: Anya, can you see it? A: Yes, I see N: Therefore, you need to give correct answer. For what purposes did Ernest Hemingway NOT use his boat when he lived in Cuba? Fishing, Office, Military Patrol, Tourist Attraction M: Fishing N: This is the wrong answer! M: Bitch! No no no! N: And falling bugs M: Well, can’t you sprinkle them a little behind! N: Is that all? M: Yes, yes, you need to get it faster from there. You are welcome N: that’s all, Anya, come out, give Miguel a hug M: No! N: Where are you going? Give a hug to your friend? Support her? Where the fuck? It is because of you that she suffered so much. You are wrong here M: I can’t go there .. Fuck, don’t look there. Please can you wash her! My congratulations. You’re in so much fucking shit. Can you wash her urgently? A: Will we hug? M: No! There, fucked up behind, look! N: Anya, respect! My respect flies to you through Miguel That’s simple. Heart to heart. The best. My nipples got hard M: Go. Go already, please N: Don’t dare come to me with this bullshit M: C’mon, are you scared? That is, you arranged all this, but are you afraid? That is … What the fuck is that? N: Go fuck yourself, he’s coming [screen caption] GREAT TOAST N: For fools who make our live not so boring. Happy Fools day, my little fools! Nastya. What are your wishes for backstage music. We always have some hit track. Make your wish Girl. I wish N. singing – you of thousand stars (words from famous Russian song) Together singing – one, the most bright one, Wish you of thousands mmm mmmmm N. I just wanna warn you at once, whatever you write my dear friends, there’s no shows of this kind in Russia Now you’ll say – Nastyukha is too self-confident, but there’s no such show anywhere, when the hostesses permit to throw knives darts, different shit in them, and everything at all – eat, drink – you say it was before the show as well, – all in all there’s no such show in Russia. And don’t tell me that season 1 was better, ‘cause season 1 was a real shit – Just in time, thank you – That’s all, that’s all, come on, let’s change everything here – Go and work, you motherfucker. Standing here. Take and bring this shit, the shit Miguel – I adore coming into something novel, that’s why now I will face this novel, and I don’t know what to expect from it – But do you understand that the shooting is – But I will try my best. Ah? – shooting is in the circus – That’s it. I was shocked by it. I haven’t been in the circus for ages – Well guys this is a fucking disaster. It’s really fucked up – Go fuck yourselves – What? But I am with you. I am with you – Your fur coat is cool – Thanks – Men’s love Singing the words of the Russian song Day Dreamer (Fantazyor) Another song – call me a faggot, you may call me a bit – How was it?
M. Fucking awesome. Fuck. My friend was poured over with something, fuck It’s cool Nastya – Come on, may be you’ll perform for us. I ‘ll shoot – Okay, take it and shoot Nastya singing – Corona virus, Corona virus April fools! Don’t believe anyone – not girlfriends, not boyfriends, and even not enemies Once I came to make jokes of a female and I told her – that’s it, look at your back And she looked and got fucked at once, says – guy, don’t you dare screw over me, And I turned around and said – Happy Fools day, don’t your follow with your brain at all And she suddenly swings her arms and beats my belly, and once again, and once again my belly, And says – will you slim down, motherfucker, or not You were even offered dough already, you already bet, fuck, and you still can’t slim down Fuck, fuck, I love you – Cool that you freestyling. With this famous song – What famous song? – This is free style – Hey, Happy fools day!