This movie has been made against the money system without spending money thanks to cinema laborers’ contributions -Dude, I missed the bus! -Dude, I missed the bus! You bonehead! We had to take the bus! What the hell are you talking about? We are going to steal today but this gentleman was late! I was in a traffic jam! -Did you bring the plan? -Of course, I did! -Here we go -Be careful! I had the plan enlarged -Where did you do this? -In a photocopy shop? You did give our robbery plan to a photocopier! Why not just tell the city cops about it! On a billboard “We are thieves! Please join us!” No way, their duty is limited to destroying stray dogs Let me see Well, kid’s room… It’s OK Suppose that the corridor comes here What kind of plan is this? I’m about to tell you! You brought the plan of the hut you’ve wanted to build for 20 years Where is the plan? I told my aunt many times, not to give my bag when the kids play “horse breeding” Our plan has gone definitely to the geography teacher Hayati, you know what I admit that I never liked that plan Dude! Is making a plan that important? Yes, a plan is a must! So, if it’s so important then OK. I got it! We’re going to the bank we’re going to rob and check it out and we’re making the plan Wouldn’t it be fantastic? Yeah, it would be The plan at home…-Excuse me bros! How can I get to the Polygon? Polygon You’re living at the other side, you should have known better than this No, in fact you are on the other side You are on the European Side Cut out this inane discussion about where’s where Let’s sort out this guy’s issue Then, we’ll sort out our issue! Get on bus number 136 C Thank you guys! -Your welcome -136 C… Hold on! 222 D is much better! The ride is shorter with that What the hell 222 D is! you’re sending him the wrong way -Why? -Because, the intersection under the bridge is closed there! Just find the 46 D Wait wait! How did you come up with 46 D? Listen to me Go to Upsidedown! And take bus 26 D. This is the easiest way To the Polygon, Dude! Then, I’m changing the question what is the Polygon? You jerks! If you don’t know, just say it Don’t keep me hanging on! Jesus Christ! -Look at those! -You jerk! Don’t do it man! Never mind! Bro, never mind! Just cool off! Gee! I’ll say something but I can’t help thinking that you’ll get angry -No, I won’t get angry, say it to me -Yes, you’ll get angry -I won’t -Yes you’ll -Dude, I said that I won’t! -But you will Hayati, what were you going to say? What is the capital of Nigeria? Of course you know Nigeria this size, small -What? -You are so stressful, just relax a bit! I’m robbing a bank for the first time in my life Isn’t that a good enough reason? We aren’t backing out, are we? No way, Dude! There is no other way than doing this! If you say later, Hayati involved me in this then, we’ll fall out with each other Don’t be silly Hayati! Who do you think you are to involve me in this? No matter whether you come or not I’ll do it because I have to Hey bro, what do you mean? Would I leave you alone? Given our 20 years of friendship my answer would be “Yes, you would! I can’t do this time, because I burnt my fingers with this bank too Don’t ask me, Hayati! They officially took us in -They got us indexed with the Dollar -With the Mark too You know, that Dollar’s index chart you can see on the evening news You know what, the Dollar’s index chart you’ve seen it on the evening news -So what? -Excuse me, it happened as if I pilfered from you This index chart is coming from the window every night about at 1 or 2 Am -In your dream, right? -Yeah It’s visiting every corner of the house before it makes a bowtie on my throat! Dude, you’re lucky The very same index is leaving from your house to come to our house After passing the window it’s going directly to I’d only like to bring where it’s going to the public attention -It serves you right – It serves me right? -Totally! I told you not to loan with Dollars -Yes, you told with Mark! -Yes, you told with Mark! Is there anything such as Marks left now -So what is it then? -Iuro! -Iuro? Even that’s Ayran? It’s not called Iuro Avrue!
Shut up! You even don’t know how to say “Iuro”. -Cut it out! My wife had already told me not to get involved in any job with that man you’ll always get in trouble Where are you looking at? Whom are you speaking with? I’m your guarantor, I’m in debt so I got mad and I’m talking to myself! You mean I’m not your guarantor! Her majesty wanted to buy a Jacuzzi, so, he asked me to be his guarantor! I told you many times we could not afford a villa! -What did you hope to do in that Jacuzzi? -Sure! You’re saying this now! -Shame on you! -You can’t rely on anybody in hard times! Whenever I trust in you THIS IS A ROBBERY! Scenario Director 3 Years Ago Hello What? You’re giving credit to the retired? To the first retired person you come across? On a Sunday morning You’re giving credit No, I don’t! Get lost man! Don’t make me speak just to inform the viewers! -Hello? -Mr. Ekrem? -Yeah, It’s me speaking -Why don’t you want credit? Look at those backbiters! They snitched it in no time! You are getting it and paying back in 12 installments! How so? Just ignore those 12 installments You can pay back in 6 months You could pay back in just 2 installments too Or we could schedule in 4 different periods! Pay that way too! Above all, if you don’t pay! -What? I mean, you can pay everything with many methods, buy and pay -What shall I pay? -Whatever you want? I just want to sleep! -Allow me to say our credit options 1.12 Mr. Ekrem. We never lie -The banker over the phone? -Yes -How could you come so fast? -I was over the mobile phone already! Anyway, our obligations are piece of cake. I’ll now inform you Thank you, Mr. Ekrem since you invited us to your home But… You know what, you made history! Indeed! Because you are the first one who rejected our credit card offer Before we say cre… they attack us saying “give us more!” Of course, our manager got very sad because of this -Why? -Since you acted hot headed all of a sudden the man rushed for his pills May God save him What pills are they? Viagra, birth control pills etc Banks are closed on Sundays, what are you doing here? What a good expression! I gave up all my jobs on Sunday In fact, this is my job, anyway I came here for you! My manager told me that “hey son, Cüneyt…” wait, he is younger than me He told me “you’re going now and fetching Mr.Ekrem here!” Look at me man, I am on the verge of understanding of the psychology of killers -Come on, man. Move! -Mr. Ekrem. Please calm down! Please come to our office Allow us to explain our terms and have a free tea Really? This bloke blocked me from having a more expensive thing in advance! -Maybe I’d drink coffee! -Now, it’s much more economical What’s that? I don’t know. Something like that remained in my mind But, when getting our office we’ll absolutely find equivalent of it Listen to me, man I’ll count up to 3 If you are still here on 3, I’ll grab the knife that I’m using to cut sheep in sacrifice feasts Please Mr. Ekrem! You can’t force me to do anything in a bank or a mosque Get the hell out of here! Violence won’t get you anywhere, Ekrem! Take this card! I’ll come again to make you sign it Insolent man! I was not able to sleep until the morning Azan! Indeed? What’s the matter? -What’s this, bro? -Which one? This! Are you blind? Why are you insulting me, Madame? To who did I insult? It began with me, and it’s now proceeding to a segment which we never decided what we call “handicapped, disabled, flawed.” Are you not indeed seeing this I’m holding I got it now! It’s like a riddle What happens if I say that yes I know? You need to explain that to the police, dear!
-What police? -I’m answering “Moral Police!” Lady, have I become immoral because I am a little bit nearsighted? -Hayati, who’s there? No one bro! They are just asking if I’ll go to soccer match You grew up as big as a bear! And you’re playing soccer! Let him play, but what kind of match is this at the crack of dawn? Look! This is a hair! -So? -Why did you let it fall? And you caught it! I saw lots of people who caught fish but it’s the first time I’ve come across someone who is a hair holder. My bro Why did you drop this hair down, this is one! This is a flat, this is two Let me help you, I was not that one, this is three! You dropped me in it! Gee! That shrew caught it! Way to go, you hairy works champion! Can you see that kind of hair on my head? Go to Rapunzel! -That cannot go on this way! -What’s that? Listen! This is my last warning to you! If you don’t live by keeping your manners well, I’m about to publish a book relating to the subject, If you cannot learn how to live in an apartment, it’s unthinkable! -Also an essay with the same name! -Have a nice day! Keep the hair! Go! Get out! A bad neighbor makes you a house owner Come to Spongebank, find a guarantor get the house and go! Spongebank. A bank sucking your money just like a sponge! Spongebank. Spongebank -Spongebank. -Cut it out! -Sponge Hello, Bro Ekrem Let me be your guarantor! Right, it might see to you as if out of blue, right I’ll buy a house, so I need a guarantor Ah, you need me too! Let me do first You mean, you want to do first? Listen, let me do first If you like No sweat Bro Ekrem, We will know each other OK then, I’ll be right there All right Jesus Christ! The chap is talking about the card! What’s happening? Hey! -Hey, what the hell are you OK. I got it Mr. Hemşin, come over here! To the gate! Why are you doing weird gestures at the window? Another impertinent person just came to my home. I thought it was him Another impertinent person came! So I’m coming now, which means that I’m second one? -Not at all! -I calculated, so it’s that way Well, when you cast the stone to the window, I’m baffled Normally, they ring the bell I open the door Are you digging at me? No, you are casting a stone at me! I mean, if you rang the bell, I’d open it easier I never ring the bell I dislike technology! It’s technology, Mr. Hemşin The bell has been used for 100 years It’s been used since Adam was a lad You’re touching on a good point How long have you been on me? Well, Mr. Hemşin, It’s only been 3 or 5 years It seemed to me, it was like a century You are staying here since Louis XIV plus you haven’t even rubbed a brush to the wall. So, shut the hell up! Look at me Ekrem! It’s Ekrem, isn’t it? I recently came here I saw your wife, kids. I dislike speaking in presence of women But, I cannot help saying this You aren’t paying the rent at regular intervals More precisely, you never pay Bro Hemşin, you reminded me of something on time At regular intervals Yes, I’m paying but not at regular intervals. I agree with that When I come to pay your rent I always see the door locked It’s for security! Yes, but there is a orchard right there too! No orchard, I’ve sowed millet Bro Hemşin, the dog rushes into you and bites! So, even the dog doesn’t know you! Which means, you’ve not paid the rent since when What I’m trying to say is to do just as like they do We’re in a interactive age They make transactions from the internet I can transfer my rent payment to your account via internet I’ve been trying to say this for ages Ekrem! I’ve gone to the bank only one time to date I’ve a neighbor, a venerable person that I like much Bankers made him wait for ages in a queue So, he was upset. He sent me word I went there and beat the manager Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough I’ve got to go Listen! I’ve a bro-suggestion to you Never deal with a bank! Let alone dealing with! Even don’t attempt to go inside! Sure, if someone molested your wife and runaway into the bank
then, you’d go into the bank and beat that man! Never go inside for paying bill etc Anyway, I’m off OK, Bro Hemşin Have nice day By the way, I sold the house, evacuate it tomorrow Good heavens! What a day is this! Ah, it’s Enver! Hi, what’s up you silly thing What? You mean they’ll seize your goods? How many times should I say to you not to get the credit cards Then, you call me saying “bro, foreclosure” So what? Why doesn’t my brother listen to me just for once? OK? OK, I’ll try to do something, no I’m not shouting I cannot send that much! I’ll send a little money tomorrow I’ll try to send more or less a couple of days later. No worry If you’ve listened your bro I’m not bellowing OK. No worry I’m sending it tomorrow I’m in the living room just on the coach No, I’m in the living room Right Yes, it’s little bit rainy here See you, I’ll call you back Listen! I’ve a bro-suggestion to you Never deal with a bank! Let alone dealing with! Even don’t attempt to go inside! Sure, if someone molested your wife and runaway into the bank… then, you would go into the bank and beat that man! -Let’s make a quick transfer man! -Give me your number -How much will you send? -100 Dollars -Would you want it right away? -Yes I would It just was sent! -Where was it sent to? -To Bombay -Why would it be Bombay? -I consider it appropriate Sir, you didn’t define the place! Just bring my money back or I’ll go up to the manager! No way! The manager is downstairs Listen man, please sort it out, I’m very busy. I need to go No worry! All transactions are online at our bank Once we make click click, it’ll arrive on time! Here you go So, where will this money be sent to? To Beşiktaş -Shall we send it now? -Yes we shall -Can I take the money? It was sent immediately but as 80 Dollars 20 Dollars? 20 bucks were sent to our pocket. I mean to our records as provision expense Is 20 dollars transfer fee fair from here to there? Sir! Just look at the screen to see any tariff such as “from here there” No matter, even if you sent it to the Aborigines Do you know Aborigines? Sweetie, bring an Aborigines Booklet to the customer Even it was sent to your neighbor no matters, since it’s standard Give that money to me, man! Instead of paying $20 transfer fee I’ll pay $6 for the cab Mr. manager, customers are awake! Please! Hi, Mr. Cüneyt. You came to my home yesterday, I’m Ekrem Yeah, how can I help you? Well, I want to money transfer Sir, this is not a transfer fee number This is 151 That is my primary school number If you want to make transfer look over there is a electronic machine that gives number Go over there You’ll see “transfer number.” Just press down and get it If you cannot do it, the Security Guy will help you -All I need to do is to press the button and take the paper? -Yes I can! Here you go, Mr. Cüneyt it’s transfer number How much? Well, I am in hard times in terms of economic circumstances, my wife got fucked up buying a suite of furniture so I got fucked up too We are not dealing with private affairs. How much? Let’s make it $100 -Shall we send it right away? -Yes we shall It was sent immediately but as 80 Dollars $20? That was sent to our pocket. I mean to our records as provision expense Ah, I failed to consider transfer fee so, I I wished to send $100, that transfer fee never came to me Yeah, next? Mr. Cüneyt what I am trying to say is that Just ignore the transfer fee this time Sir! Do you think that it’s my father’s bank? Hold on! Wow! How’s going on, Janlan? Just fine. I’m dealing with a bad lot I am exonerating you What? You want to make transfer No, you don’t need to take transfer fee number Bankbook? We withdrew it from circulation What was that? Number? No, you don’t need to take number or such You don’t need call me either Impertinent!
My case I got it. You want to do all your transactions and don’t pay even a cent -Exactly! -Did I get it right? Go to 3rd floor in no time We have there a “phone support service support unit” Its name is a bit nonsense You’ll make same transactions and not pay a cent Pick up the phone, press the keys it’ll lead you If you cannot do it, the Security Guy will help you -All I need to do is to pick up the phone and speak? -Yes I can! Wait! You must go up to 3rd floor from the window Why shall I not prefer the stairs? Because the stairs are being painted and white washed that two of them are being made together If you cannot go up to the 3rd floor from the window on my own -Yes I think of -The Security Guy will help you! Enver? Yes No, I could not handle it My bank demands a transfer fee They charge transfer fee, man Is Takva Bank? Sure, I can go Hello Aleykum Selam, dear Mr. Manager, I don’t want to take your time much -Let me sit here -Sure, you do, dear I’d like to ask a favor from you What is the issue? I will have a money transfer made You are so sure! “I’ll have it made, so on” Let me explain. My brother called me yesterday, we spoke so I will You spoke! So, everything will happen swift! Out of those bonds, which one guarantees you to live until tomorrow? Right Look here! Do you see that computer over there? There is a script on the corner of that PC Well, it’s writing “start.” “Start.” So, a tiny computer has a starter If a tiny computer had a starter, so how would our giant universe have not a starter too? There is another remark on the corner of this PC too There is an Arabic script so I cannot read it “Start with God’s willing” is writing there -OK -I sent this PC to the Pilgrimage Really? It made way for it, I’ll go to there if Almighty God grants the permission Why didn’t you go then? I didn’t wish to strain -To what? -The country! Ah, sorry for interrupting you because you are reading the Quran No, It’s a speller book I am a man who is curious about the words -Let’s get to the point -Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind -Where should your transfer be made to? -İpsala, Edirne -İpsala -Yes Would Keşan be OK? Keşan? Don’t you like İpsala? No, I like İpsala but there is someone over there, who sends my transfers back to me -Why? -I don’t know, I guess, he gets irritated with me How much will you transfer? Well, 100 Dollars, here is the account number -Shall we send it right away? -Yes we shall Let’s send it right away -It was just sent -Yes -But, as $80 -How about $20? -$20 is charity to our mosque I mean, we cut it as transfer fee I was going to complain about this already, same thing happened in Spongbank too. I want to send exactly $100 If you would help me in this sense I could be delighted Well, I’ve an another account we can also add $20 from that one -From my interest account -Accounts! Saving account, interest account, deposit account, currency account How much important all accounts are for us, right? Yeah Never mind these earthly accounts! Just imagine the accounts that you will give at Judgment Day Man, let me say something, I came here to have a transfer made not to prove the existence of God! Another thing, My bro, Keşan You know already my economic circumstances… $100 -That guy is working like a bee -Bee? -What you said was a bee, did not you? -Yes Have you had any chance to see a bee closely? I was too busy to see it A bee, without tasting the honey he makes himself can live or can’t for only one week All right, let’s not keep busy our bank So, let’s do this way, may I ask a last favor of you? Let’s send this money $100 without remittance. Because my bro has to lock the mosque and go to the downtown then, he has to return not to miss the prayer -Hold on! -Congregation will wait for him too The mosque and prayer, both are my fields of interest What occupation does our beloved bro have? -My bro is pastor! -Pastor? So transaction is faster! I know that you’ve some misgivings I already had them when you first entered into this room We’ll remove them one by one God willing Sure, Mr. Manager But, let’s do this way I’ll be back after performing ablution We’ll start from believing in angels don’t run! -Well, Mr. Eray?
As far as I see, seizure is about to come Mr. Fettan, just give me a bit time I’ll sort it out Let’s do this way, We shall not give time but a new credit card! God forbids Mr. Manager I don’t want any credit card at all But, this is a special card, it was just issued! Listen sir, I already run into debt because of these cards I don’t want any card Mr. Eray, maybe you aren’t aware of this but you are about to miss the fissik card issued this year Dude! If wanted a fission I would go to a lab! I don’t want card! I don’t want it to be misunderstood Not a fission, but a fissik card It’s a new service from our bank! It doesn’t matter. I don’t want it -Mr. Eray, take this card! -No, I won’t -Take it -Mr. Manager, I don’t want card -Mr. Eray, receive it -I won’t Take it No, I am not receiving it So, I’ve to redirect you to the Persuasion Department So, redirect me! I won’t take a credit card whatever you do -Is it? -Yes Birgiz! Come here baby! -Are you in debt? -Yes yes! -Maldives? So, the password is İclal When you hear me say “let’s follow iclal” you’ll sort it out, of course you will take your share Of course, dear İclal Sure, we’ll sort it out Dear, I’ll ask you a question Imagine an elephant imagine that he is coming to you by stumbling What’s it called? It’s called bacchant! Sorry While speaking with your primary school friend you get back to old days -Your name is Hayati, right? -Yes -I guess, a credit for buying a house? -Yes, for a house -Why you always insist like a beggar? -Mind your own business, I need it Mr. Hayati, Don’t misunderstand me As Spongebank, we provide so much credits that I’ve to ask which type you would wish We’re starting from house, car and the land loans and we are expanding so as to give dog, cat loans If you cannot pay, we’re taking back with the legal proceeding -I hope that you got it -Yes, part of the legal proceeding -You name is Hayati? -Yes -Surname please? -Vasat -Is it for house? -Yes -Are you married? -No, but I’ve a girl friend to talk -In fact, we’re offended by each other -Then, let’s start from % 0.98 which is the rate of gallivant credit -If we convince that we’ll pay -We? Together? No, who’ll pay is you! I just attempted to dilute this distressful loan payment process by rendering it more pleasant Think of Moms who say their kids like “what happened we ate much at night? Flatulence happened my baby” As if she had it herself! Could I explain well? -If I get a thing, whole bank will fu… -Excuse me Hello? Let’s immediately start the legal process -Shall we start? -The legal process? Have you found the house to buy? Was I supposed to find it? I’ve never ever known it, Ekrem Bro Hold on one sec. Mr. Hayati Listen, don’t get excited If you get overexcited at these crucial times, you’ll never make it! God forbid, its mark may remain on you And you’ll always fail lifetime No experience before? -No -I cannot believe this! -No, really. -Once or twice? -I swear that, no -Will you buy a house first time? -Hell yes! We initiated a prepaid campaign for immovable real estate -When? -Now Just pay a bit in advance, then two guarantor! Well, I have one guarantor, who is Bro Ekrem but how would I find the second one? -First one is OK, but other one -You don’t have guarantors? I’ve only one I’ve a question to you Think of an elephant Let it be sucker! What’s called a sucker elephant? Elephants are the immovable real estates of India Region They do have trunks -Sucker -They have trunks It’s called sycophant! Ok, we’ve had our laugh so let’s get back to the salt mines Why are you insisting on credits? How many times? I don’t have money Mr. Hayati, don’t misunderstand me This is a survey I mean, we are surveying to know our customers closer, and then Excuse me! Fettan Oğlu is speaking, the Bank Manager No, the name is Fettan surname is Oğlu The Manager Fettan Oğlu Let’s immediately start the legal proceeding Well, we’re conducting a survey Thus, we know them closer thanks to some questions we posed to -Excuse me! -Hold on one sec! Let me help you Let’s immediately start the legal proceeding I’m giving you an idiotic title such as “promising young bank manager” Let’s get back to work -Let’s continue our survey. Size? -Medium size Are you an onion, Mr. Hayati? Are you asking my size? I thought you asked the size of the house -Since you said size all of a sudden -Yes, your size
My size was tiny when I was in primary school then on, we could not care of it we had some family problems -I see. Eye color? -Yellow -Height? -4 -Your shoe size? -2 -Your hometown? -Marseille Fine. Our survey is over Mr. Hayati, I want to give a 1200 square feet house Sorry! Since I was educated with Anglo Saxon Culture, unit of measures sometimes Let’s give you a 1000 square meter house, Mr. Hayati! Whoa Mr. Saxon! I don’t want to establish a house farm! I just need a cozy house So, this “The Well Heeled Ones Residence” is not suit for you. -No, If you have a “Vagabond Residence” Congratulations! You’re now the godfather of a new residence to be built Jaclyn, I’m saying you the logo of new residence to be built I mean the letters: V, R. P Jaclyn! I mean Mrs. Jaclyn It’s wrong, because V, S, P -If it was “residence”, it could be a “R” -Vagabond Residence Plaza! Which is the best for our bank Be Quite! Jaclyn, imagine of an elephant No, not on its own Think of him prostrating What’s an elephant which prostrates called to be? It’s called couchant, Jaclyn! Jaclyn! Mr. Manager, can we schedule payment portfolio? -How will I pay this? -You don’t know, right? -Yes Here is the question An elephant which lost his everything? Elephants are the immovable real estates of India Region It’s called mimophant -I’m saying payment portfolio! -Ah, yes. Payment portfolio Jaclyn, send me payment portfolio! Right here! Mr. Hayati, listen to me Read terms carefully at the lab conditions Try to sign it properly so we don’t get confused You can pay like clockwork OK. You know, they say such a thing like “legal proceedings” Your baked potato is at your disposal! You were saying that I will not keep my word! What word? Ah, you’re talking about the baked potato Why are you belittling? Word is word -Words given by you are for taking back -Gülperi, I love this word! Yes, love only words, don’t keep them Stop sticking me please Just look at the roses here! Waters, everything is beautiful Jesus Christ! Listen! Just pour ketchup it’ll be tasty I don’t like ketchup, what I like is salad dressing Even you’ve not known this! You never care about me How waiting for 3 years would be possible for just eating a potato? -What can I do? I don’t have my condition I don’t have my condition! -What the hell does it mean? -I’m doing something if I have It’s only a tiny potato Who says tiny, man? It’s a huge one My fingers burnt while picking it out If I had to wait for a tiny potato that long then I’ll have to wait for the white goods until modern age ends and postmodern age comes Why can’t we get married? Because of the white goods obsession in you I told you many times not to speak of them No, speak up! You mean, all is my fault? What can I do? For your sake, I had all exams starts with Public P.E.S, P.S.D I had LSD for you! How would we get married without buying white goods? Don’t be racist, Gülperi! No matter black or white goods! What a funny joke! We are still meeting in the park corners. Look at our age! Not anymore! Listen, I was at the bank before coming here We’re buying a house from Spongebank We always deal with men who whether are the danger or the ranger of the park But you keep being such an idiot What was I supposed to do? It’s not that easy. They fire right away Wait! Why am I an idiot? If you were not an idiot you’d not act like that! You would propitiate me, appease me You would not keep me hanging on the corners of the parks for 4 years I don’t need your potato either! You said it was 3 years! Bro! I want to go to my hometown, but I don’t have any money I’ve not eaten anything for 3 days, Bro. I’m very hungry I cannot breast feed my baby, Bro You all spoiled the pleasure on eating this! I won’t eat, dude! Take it! Take that! I’m not eating! Give me the money, dude! Freelance accountants are wanted, let me see We’ll see now Where did I store her number? Here -Gülperi? -It’s speaking, Hayati. -How are you? -I’m fine. You runaway today in the park but I have a herald for you Well, what is it? A new possibility to find a job for myself appeared Listen to me. Freestyle accountants came together with Greco Roman ones, to hold an examination for making examinations -I saw their ad “just pass interview” -Which interview, this time? 9th interview! I’m not using tally stick! I’m not content either. My Bro is bugging me every single day He just spared me a coach in the house I’m living as if in an island Finding a job is not easy! If you keep that way I’ll find a job. No, don’t find a job mob! No, listen Hello? She hung up! Here we go! 3 months later
I remember you! You are Memduh You got credit from us to provide an education abroad for your son and your son could not and you got caught on the Meriç River while you were getting away from Turkey I hope our endings would not be same No, I came before -Ahh -Tiny sized one -Mr. Hayati? -Yes How’s going on, Mr. Hayati? I’m obliged to you Because you Iuroized me before But, I’ve a problem. For I paid my debt only 1 day late my loan become 17,000 Our term does not mention “1 day late paying”, Mr. Hayati It only says “late paying” Can I see your extract? I mean the paper, Hayati! -Loan Payment Paper! -Bravo! Mr. Hayati, “I hereby confirm exchangeable unenforceable, provisional application” For example, you’ve signed this Thus, you have unwittingly accepted a new credit card So you’ll esteem that this mistake has returned to you as loan, due to us So, what am I going to do, now? Up! Financial Utility Credit Kamikaze Fuck. F.U.C.K -Right, as acronym -One gets suspicious a bit though Pay attention! First you’ll use the first one and FUCK! -OK -You’ll pay like clockwork You know, they say such a thing like “legal proceedings” 3 months later You took a credit for paid military service and you skipped the military service and while getting away from Turkey you got caught on the Meriç River I hope our endings would not be same Don’t you recognize me? -Ah yes, middle size, Mr. Hayati? -Exactly! Yes Yes, this one is OK -But -What? Well, Mr. Hayati, in Taksim Square your thing was snapped In Taksim Square I mean, your card was swallowed by the machine in our Taksim branch -Yeah, I can explain that -Speaking of credit card Birgiz, come baby! -Are you in debt? -Not this one, girl! The other one! -Sorry! A kind of conditioned reflex. When she hears “Birgiz” she comes by dressing off Our new credit cards, Mr. Hayati Thank you I recommend the green one Mr. Hayati Wouldn’t you take the yellow one? Its interest rate is very low! No, thank you Enjoy it You pressed down many keys there and you got 2 more credit cards from our London branch I didn’t understand how you did this If you asked me, even I’d not do here I can explain it I was paying my credit debt I went to ATM. People lined up behind me, and started to bug me All of a sudden, my card was swallowed by the ATM I looked at the screen I saw “this machine is temporarily out of service” I rushed for the security guard He is my interlocutor When I went him, can you guess what I saw on him? “This security guard is temporarily out of service” So you’ll esteem that this mistake has returned to you as loan, due to us So, what are we going to do, now? -“Secured Credit Rentable Emission Warranty” -SCREW Yeah, as acronym -OK. Shall I pay with this first? -No, be careful with order -The card you got first? -Yes Then FUCK and SCREW! They say such a thing like “legal proceedings.” Oh, Mr. “Eklem”
Oh, the thief! Never, think of bad things Of course, you’re right You must have come for pilgrimage And the thing you are holding is the sacred key of the Al-aqsa Mosque It’s called Kaaba. Plus, this is not a key but a picklock Mr. Eklem, I apologize for disturbing you at this time But what you can do if it is duty -I agree. Your job is very hard -Sure Jumping to balcony from balcony like a squirrel escaping from the police as a lady -You, dishonest thief! -Is it coated with teflon? It’s not important now whether it’s coated with teflon or not It’s enough, if has a capability to break your skull I’ll crush you like a fly! What? Fire truck siren! Don’t cry! I am almost in a depression I have a loan with this bank too Otherwise, I would quit the job I don’t want to enter own my house like a thief Because my kids get scared. That’s why, I’m haunting you guys’ houses What was that? I got it. I offer my condolences What the hell are you saying? I’m saying that did I finish 4 years of Law School for this job? Look at you! You attended a law school to be a thief No, I went there to be a lawyer Please take my hand To be lawyer? Ah I got it. You meant being a thief as a side job I advise you to be a scrivener It’s an medieval occupation You’d rake in money Mr. Eklem, you misunderstood me This is not my side job This is my cardinal job. Just like cardinal and intercardinal points This is my point Did you get me? I came for foreclosure Did you come for foreclosure? So, where are the police and locksmith? In the past, Police and locksmith used to be there But, after that big crisis, the Bank decided saving Firstly, the Bank fired the locksmith and then police In the past, in those good old days the locksmith, police and I would come together and make away with the goods The good old days! What? Er… I meant we would seizure But, one second I did not get any credit card I was just a guarantor for my friend Jointly and severally, “Mr. Eklem” You said that you’re the guarantor for your friend too Namely? Namely, I could not find a shit in his house so I came to your home since you’re the guarantor What if you could not find in my house either? Then, I would be left empty handed. “Mr. Eklem.” I’m fair and square! Dude Hayati! Going to restroom is not possible with your brain! “Mr. Eklem!” You received loan from the Bank too! You have credit debt to the Bank No, I did not get credit or anything even with a knife, I kicked out the man who come to give credit card and the rascal did not recognize me when I went to the Bank next day You’ve received credit in return for your salary And you’ve not paid it for 1 and half year So, your debt has gone to $7,000 No, it’s not in return for my salary. Namely There is something called “additional account.” Er… It was like It was saying that Was it a credit man? Was it a credit man? Sure it was What would you expect? I’ll do you a favor because you did not hide your goods If you pay your debt in 7 days, you’ll get rid of it Now, sign this notification And I’ll go Look at getting rid of it! I’m signing the notification I could not sign over anything worthwhile like a pop star or basketball player -I’m signing on seizure note! -Have a nice day “Mr. Eklem!” What a nice day! “Mrs. Eklem” 6 months later It’s ridiculous! I cannot pay this debt. Mr. Manager I’m paying, it’s soaring! How am I going to pay this? -I always borrow from people I know -Take a break! -I’ve a question to you, Hayati -I cannot stand elephant stuff, I’m fucked up already Never mind elephants now! We’re talking about the business. Sit please -Hayati Vasat -Yes Here is my question, Hayati In Antalya, a plot of land of 1000 square feet It belongs to my Aunt Cibizgin Well, one third is yours! It’s in the pocket! Mechanics’ zone in Bursa A land of 1500 square feet It’s my step brother’s He hates me Two fifth is yours Jesus Christ! How were you able to find all this stuff, man? It was not whe who found it Murat Bardakçı! He has dived into the Ottoman Archive and were barely able to unearth these. I’m appreciated He brought them to us OK. What’s my thing to you? Your thing? How quickly you grabbed your thing Hayati? My thing has not to do with you! Hands off my thing! Then, our money hasn’t to do with you too You weren’t talking this way while taking money from us Was the one who got the money me? You gave it to me! You’re defying me! I remind that you owe me much money -Really? -Exactly? -Jesus! -Who will pay those debts? -Will I? -Yes you’ll pay I’m paying, it’s soaring? How shall I pay off? -If you paid, it would not -What on earth? You always pay late No way, since I paid only one day late, it’s There’s no such a thing one day late payment I assisted you on everything but you are talking back to me! -Did you help me indeed? -Yes I did! -What help was that?
-Who gave F.U.CK to you? -Was it you? -What did you do with that F.U.C.K? -I was F.U.C.Ked up! Cut it out man! You have to pay that money, that’s it! I was a good man while you were taking the money! Hold on, Mr. Manager, cool of please! Yes but, you are raising your voice at me, Hayati! Let’s reconsider this with mother wit? Come on man, Let’s think with horse sense The past is the past -Bring tea! -Me? -No, it’s her Now, Dear Hayati, let’s call a spade a spade The mistakes that you had done turned to you as debt but due to us OK. It’s true -Then, if I don’t pay these now -Yes apart from this won’t return to you as due, but will return as shit The level of the manners are low! Sentinels! -Throw him into the dungeon! If I don’t rob, I’m the meanest one! -Get the hell out of here -Fuck! How on the earth? I’ll object that Crooks! We’re Forty Thieves! We’re Forty Thieves! We’re always thieves… What’s happing man? We’re Forty Thieves! We’re Forty Thieves! Jesus Christ! -String up, cutting, beheading -Welcome to Spongebank. Right, I’ve a problem that Press down 1 for individual retirement. Press down 2 for credit card payments. Shall I press down 2? If you wish to pay from the minimum payment due… No, I think that my debt should not be that high Is your credit card debt more than it should be? Yes it’s more, plus you went too far! You pressed down on wrong key I’m returning to the main menu. -Forty Thieves! -No, don’t return to the main menu! You pressed down star and square keys And you demanded a new credit card It has been sent to your address -Would you want European accredited card? -I want to skip off you but, you want to catch me and scr You contravened good manners So, I’m returning to the Main Menu. -40 Thieves… -Press 5 for stolen cards, 4 for the lost cards, 6 for the cards not stolen or lost… Listen! My case is I’ll try to explain My debt is increasing though I don’t have any credit card Despite you paid your credit card if your debt is still increasing… Maybe, yes You were duped. If you think that you never can be duped Press star, 3, square keys. Wrong key I’m returning to the Main Menu. Hello? Don’t return to the Main Menu For paying that Spongebank Insurance Policy Certificate, press 8. Sekiz’e mi? Here are the towns to which water cuts will be applied. -Ümraniye… -No, Hello? You pressed “I want to pay my credit card debts easier” key. If you think that you can do your payments from your account press 1. Am I sucker? I’ll do it from another’s account so, to 2 You pressed the key for paying cash. You are indebted now to pay on every 9th 19th, and 29 of the month. Get lost! Hello? Are you hearing me? You pressed “I want to know my retirement payments from my mobile phone” key. If you want your mobile bills to reach you with utility bills, press 1 If you want them together but at 30 minutes intervals then 2. I’m out of my head you idiots! For psychological help press star, square, 7 keys. You pressed “I’m feeling bad” key. If you feel yourself indoors press 1 if it doesn’t matter, and you feel bad everywhere, then press 2. You pressed star 4, square, 1 keys two times. You increased your credit debt up to 7,000. To pay this debt now, press star, square 1, triangle keys. -No, no! I don’t know -If you claim that you need to think… …-press 2 triangle keys. -You ate my brain dude! If you say “I cannot think let Spongebank think on behalf of me”… -I got into a depression. I don’t know -You pressed the wrong key. I’m returning to the Main Menu. -Forty Thieves… -Dude, I told you not -Hello? -Thank you for choosing Spongebank. Fuck off! You Robbers! I’m going to show If I don’t rob you I’m not Ekrem Kıkırdak! 1453 Tikibank, its interest rate is 1.15 Don’t make your passwords from those well known dates, dude What’s its rate? Well, my head is turning a bit -Zero point, I don’t know -Take this 1923, take off! -0.92. -Yes -I have 0.55
Are you seeing this card? If you spend $ 50 from this card, you’ll get a wet towel Here you go, 1071 Dude, you know what, the lawyer gave me a term of 7 days If I cannot pay them they will start the seizure Fortunately, she was a good gracious lady because she gave me one week What a good person! Legal term is one week already You know what? I gave up the principal amount I wish we could pay the interest It’s not clear that what is the principal, what is interest from the extract they sent Loot at the name! “Extract” Let me say something, they deliberately give foreign names “Extract” “accreditive” “provision” such and such Bro, we have to protect our Turkish First thing you need to protect is your backside You did best by slurring over the most important part of me I’m saying that they gave me a limited term, you’re jabbering -Let’s hope our worst day would be today! -OK, do it We are already in it silly boy OK, man! Gee! -Benevolence is useless for you -They gave me a term Seven days -You are making small talk! -Actually I found a solution but What’s that? Look! Here is the gesture! This disparaging gesture! That’s why I don’t want to tell you my solution -OK, tell me what it is -Right here, this one! -Dude, OK. I got you, tell me -No way! -I wonder, tell me -No, I swear, no -I wonder, please -No Bro, no way -Please dance! -I swear I don’t know it! -Bro, I don’t know! -Hayati! Don’t pretend to be like a man who seems shy at first at the wedding then doesn’t give the microphone to anyone who is talented but didn’t have any opportunity to make anything of himself -Shall I rest a bit, Dude? -Why? I built a sentence of 3 lines for the first time in my life I was thinking of that Nobel went for Yaşar Pamuk in vain -Was it supposed to come to me? -Yeah It’s not Yaşar Pamuk Orhan Kamil No, Kamil Seyfettin -Was not he Kamil Seyfettin, Dude? -Seyfettin Kemal Kemal -Orhon! -Kemal Orhon! -Orhan -Ayhan -Ayhan? -Balık Ayhan -Yes, Balık Ayhan! -It went for Balık Ayhan -Nobel went for Balık Ayhan -Yes, absolutely -So what? OK. I’ll show you I found a clipping Just read it, we’ll talk later Is this your brilliant idea? Just read it, man! “Heavyweight boxing champion candidates are wanted.” Go give it to Sinan Şamil Sam My dear Bro, weren’t you a boxer in the past? Yes I was! What would happen if we changed “was” with “am”, bro? -It would be no good at all -Your rival would throw in the towel I’m 42, boy! Roger Milla was 44 when he kicked the goal in the world cup If the age is important Oktay Sinanoğlu has become a prof at his 25 When he conquered İstanbul Fatih Sultan Mehmed was 21 Pele was 16 when he was elected to the Brazil National Team Fazıl Say was 12 when he was accepted “as wonder boy” Murad IV was 9 years old when he first ascended to the throne by crying Mozart was 6, he would not use his hands so he was playing with his nose in Australia Forests Bro, you did not go on reading the rest of it Let me explain to you This is a show, OK? -Yes You’ll face to the world heavyweight champion Before fighting with him you have to eliminate two men -You mean, elimination style -Yes, elimination style. -OK If you beat the first man, they’ll give $50,000. 25,000 to you 25,000 to me -Really? -Yeah I’m the one who’ll get a beating but, we’ll share the money! $40,000 to me, $10,000 to you Take all $50,000. We’re conductive All money will go to the bank Listen, let me tell you something You’ve become sluggish! Dude, it’s not because I’m scared Don’t you know what schemes are put in place in the boxing world? You were an assistant trainer too These affairs are done at the table The best example is I I fought 40 times. Only one KO How were the others finalized? I lost by judge decision Well, what I’m saying is that Decision of referee. On the table Believe in me Bro No drinking as of today I’d never drink! I just drank for the first time today! OK. Even you won’t drink this too We’ll begin training Just do what I say Don’t worry -We’ll return to old days, shall we? -Sure, why not? -Just like as it was in the old days? -Absolutely -Nostalgia -Yes -80s? -Exactly We would tuck pullovers into our trousers Never mind fashion, Bro! Let’s get into the mood Do you want to see the photos of the good old days? -Of what days? -Of old days -OK. Show me -My boxing photographs -OK, show me them -Wow! Are you seeing, Hayati? -Good right hand!
-Those days! -As if that man -No no, this is because of photographer. A trick It seems so because he shot from the reverse angle Same photographer His name is Trick too -Then, this one? -This one? I was sleepless a bit, that’s why I seem that way He is counting on you, man? No way. I told you that I was sleepless. So I’m sleeping now This is a Photoshop trick! -Well, this one -As if you seem running aw… -No never! I thought that our match was over, I was going so this guy warned me saying “match is not over yet, come.” Anyway, Hayati Never mind those old days Let’s think of today Are you ready, Bro Ekrem? Yes I’m ready, Crook Hayati Why are you saying so? You had told me Boxing, but it’s Kick box! Just talk with your punches not with jaw I cannot kick, I’ve rheumatism Just listen to my tactics Imagine that man is coming to you just punch him from below, just like what I do Hayati, I mind something You know, they put nicknames to the boxers Italian Stallion, nice Bull of the Bosporus, good But I am suspicious a bit about the nickname that we chose for me Bro, I found such a nickname that it both brings honor to you and your hometown. No worry There is another thing It cannot be said that I was fed properly Why are you saying this, man? Didn’t we give weight to the legume for the last week? Chick pea, bean and bulgur I bought a wafer while coming here too Pay attention, I made you walk here but I got on the bus -Do you think that these are enough? -Let me say something %98 of these affairs have to do with the psychology That bastard is taking me in Do you remember local eliminations? Of course I do. You’ve visited me at the hospital You got a punch at the first round there A sudden punch It was a first and sudden Bro Ekrem, we need to go They made a sign Come on Hayati! All eyes must be on the boxer here! -I got too excited -Let’s go Why did you take off the gloves while off to the ring, man? It’s not your business I always go to the ring without gloves. This is my totem OK. I got you He is a Black! -Go go man! Jesus Christ! -What? -He is not a regular black that you are familiar with. -How? He is at most from Senegal What do you mean? He is the man who sells watches in Battery Park Listen to me -Give me tactics -Tactics? Listen! When he comes to you just punch him from below -Tactics is this, blow the man? -Yes -Very good tactics! -This is its essence! Who fights on behalf of Sweden “Africa Lion” Simento Venderson! 21 matches. 20 wins. 1 Defeat. He is the Donkey of Merzifon Ekrem Kıkırdak! 41 matches. 41 defeats. There must be a mistake here. On this magnificent night, altogether… Take him back! Take the kid back off the ring. Pull the kid back! What’s the hell is that mascot boy doing there, man? No hit under under belt -What was the word, dude? -Belt belt! -In a nut shell, I’m worn out! -Bro, he is coming! Hayati!
I’m giving a breaking news that we just received -That guy closed the left -How did he close the left, man? He closed the left lane and is pressing forward! -He closed my left eye! -I’ll find vaseline for it In break, I wonder if anyone can pour water down on my head? I sent the boy. He’ll pick up it and come until the 3rd Round We’ve forgotten it -Hayati, I’m very bored! -For what? They use propaganda for Christianity in the boxing matches How? What do they ring in the round breaks? -Gong -Gong, yes. Tam Tam! Tam Tam! They sink it in your head! Let’s go to Church. I don’t buy it! Don’t take knocks on your head Listen. We don’t have water, OK At least, I wish that we had a towel -Not a towel but… -Yes? -I’ll make a fantastic thing for you I prefer my meatballs without onion, chief! -What meatball man? -Stop grilling on the embers We’ve forgotten the towel It’ll be here until the 5th Round -Gülperi! -Hayati! -Who is this girl, dude? -This is my girl friend, Bro She was looking for a job. Look at the job she found. She is a bitch! Hayati! Since I’m fighting I wonder that if someone can give me a tactic? Imagine that, that dishonesty is coming to you! Punch him with hook just like I do -I’m going -OK -Wait for me, Elizabeth! -No, he’ll not make it Get out of that damned corner! Is corner? Hayati! Shut the fuck up man! -Are you fine? -I’m OK. How do you do? -Not too bad Come to my voice! Come on, man That’s it You move nice -Hayati? -What? -That chap got our weakness. -How? He understood that I’ve rheumatoid leg He’s grinning by just looking at it -Luckily, I caught his flaw too -What did you catch? I’ll complain about him to the Rangers in the Battery Park Bro, I forgot it again Just spit into this one I held bucket for you many times. Even you could not hit the target one time Listen! -Don’t give me tactics -Why? The guy is hearing your tactics and applying them before me -I’m going. -OK, Bro -Anything to say? No, just say my hello Just watch it now! No! Are you OK, Bro? Mom! How many is this? Caesar! So, how many is this? The movie was well received Cesar 2 What’s the capital of Turkey? It’s Rome given the facts You’re knocked out, man! Stand up Hayati, Let’s pass to the another plan I’m saying punch him from below! Wait wait, not over there -Shame on you! -Cut it out, man!
-Keep walking! I know where to go -Where? I’ve been searching for days I found hidden places You’ve found hidden places? -Yes. -We’ll see how hidden they are I found many We’ll look from here and there to predict what’ll happen -Both of us? -Yes It’d be much better If I did it alone Yes, do it alone and write me a letter. Keep walking! Whatever Don’t point with your finger, it’s not proper manners Döner shop! Shall rob the döner maker too? You haggard dog! You’re obsessed with eating! Look at the other side, boy! Ah, my dear Bro! That branch is so ratty Can we take enough money from it so as to pay off all debts? I chose a central branch You chose a pretty quite central one! See the police station next to it? “Central Police Station”, 100 m away I’ve been peering it for days! I measured it, it’s 135 meters Right! We would run away until the police come from 35 more meters! Dude, listen. One of those police captain kicked the bucket from the credit cards, just like us! It’s like our man within the bank Would I step on a slippery board? -Shall I show the other hidden place? -Yes, show me You stepped on shit, Bro -Here! The warden looked at us! He looked at us, and got suspicious! Of course, he can suspect! Jesus Christ! You’re making shady moves! You’re bending down, standing up! Which my shady moves did you see so far? Your shady moves are not important until up to now, Bro Suspicious ones after this moment are so important! Here is the plan! We’re rushing into the bank at the lunch break, OK? -Then, we’ll hold the gun to the teller’s nose and say “give the money.” -No, no way! He’ll get hungry too and go for lunch at the break Hayati, a slight change occurred in the plan We’re rushing into the bank as soon as break lunch over, And we’ll hold the gun to the teller’s nose and say “give the money.” This is OK. You’re the one who was going to bring the gun. Did you? Gun… Yes, I brought it but Hayati, this is only This is a pistol! Gee! This is a historical artifact! If we sell this one we can save ourselves! No need robbing the bank “Henry VIII pistols keep away water” Come off it! -This is only for the purpose of intimidation. -Intimidation? -Sure. -Then, watch me Congratulations! You intimidated! At least me! You’ll ruin the plan! Throw that somewhere! You never like anything! OK, then I’m concealing it here after rob, we’ll pick it up You’ll have millions after the robbery, jerk! You can built a nunchaku factory! It has an intangible value You cannot comprehend it Anyway, let’s hold the gun to the teller’s nose, and say “give the money” and put into the bag and run away Into the bag? You were going to bring the bag too. Did you? A mishap occurred in bringing the bag I failed to bring the bag, man! What mishap, dude? You just could not bring it! I was going to bring it, put on the table, but my wife took it So, what shall we do? I brought another one to ensure our robbery but -it’s not a proper one -Bro, it’s a plastic bag! You can see money through it! We’ll rob the bank but you are coming with a plastic bag! Who says this? Who came to the robbery two hours late? Plus, when we say “this is a robbery” will they bring the money by throwing like this? -The guys will put it with the sacks! -It’s reasonable Have you ever heard the men who carry the money with the sack? They are these guys! -We’re entering with the gun -And going out with the sack! Let’s set our watches! We cannot set our watches. No mishap for we don’t have any watch What did you do with the watch that I presented to you? You gave me a waterproof watch but I took a shower with it and it leaks You didn’t trust in me and had a shower with it, did you? Anyway, you know they set the watches in the robbery movies I imitated those movies, I just told it for motivation Clocks were put back one hour, already Yes, it’s true -So what? -Oh the man! He stared at you and went inside. You’re in the soup! You’re in the soup! That man stared at you and went inside In the soup! Question! Am I the only one who is in that soup? Lunch time is over, and the warden went inside Not a warden but a security guard, man Let’s go this side -To a hidden place -Really? -To that place. -Is it fine? -Is it a real hidden one? -Sure -They cannot see us, right? -No worry -Here is the plan! -Go ahead We are here now, and the Bank is over there Yes? That’s it? Don’t make a plan man! You cannot do it, leave it to me -Listen to me Bro, we are here -Yes Bank is right there And the police station is over there OK, then? You did add only “a police station” to my plan!
Let me do new one! The mosque is that side! The plan is ripe, now -Bro, what I added is the most important one. -What? Owners of the police station Those fucking federals -The police! -So? We’ll pick up the stuff until the police come and run away, then stroll around to erase our marks -How is it? -To erase our marks? -It’s pretty good We should not forget to tie a bush at the back of the horses And if we succeed in crossing the river, welcome to Mexico! Why are you talking nonsense? What Mexico, Bro? You are the one who is talking nonsense, jerk! Don’t try to sell to me those western movies’ clichés! Which of us does have a car? We’d only erase our marks by inserting coin! Does this bus pass through town? Moreover, the doctor advised me not to run -Rheumatism…-Cut it out, Bro! Do something, the bank will be closed soon -Let them close it! -Won’t we rob it? Don’t shout! -Won’t we rob? -Yes we’ll. But are we those poor sort of customers who are going to the bank to pay the bills? I was exactly like that four days ago Today, you are a strongly built robber Let them close the bank, OK? When it gets night, we’ll dive into the bank with an oxygen welding and we’ll run away by concealing ourselves in the nightfall What a nice! Robber or robbers who sneak to the bank about 2 or 3 am opened the vault with an oxygen welding they carried with them and run away concealing themselves in the nightfall -Yeah -Do we have a oxygen welding? -No, we don’t. -Can we conceal ourselves in the nightfall? -No -Why? There is no dark! -Daylight daylight! -Daylight daylight you jerk! They are “printed news”. No way Then, we came to the most important stage Camouflage -Socks -OK Socks. Where are the socks? OK. Here are they -What are you doing, Hayati? -My socks don’t stink, man OK, man! I’m kidding but a mishap occurred in the socks I failed to bring the socks What mishap, dude? You just could not bring it! Bro, I prepared socks in different sizes and colors, one week ago I placed those in drawers, but my brother’s wife found them -What? -She most probably thought that I’m a tranny Of course she thought! You hide socks in your drawers -What’ll happen then? -I don’t know, man Since I knew my partner very well I’m so prudent Put it on Let’s go that way! A hidden place! -Hey Bro? -Tell me We almost came to the front of the Bank -Jesus Christ! Here is already hidden one! -Here is our plan We’re here, the Bank is over there That’s we’re standing just like when we came here first You can give up if you wish Hayati, you’re younger than me! Bro, why are you saying such a thing like “give up”? How would I leave you alone we shared many days, man! We shared a bad chair with you We ate biscuit together! I’ll die if you ask me to die! -Die! -Fuck off! -Give your blessings to me, Hayati -OK. Bro Ekrem I need your blessings too, Bro I’m a spotter here If something happens to me give my bloody shirt to my wife OK, Bro. We’ll wash it with mild wash at 35 Centigrade -Bloody Shirt, jerk! -Then, short program. What can I do? -Hayati? -I’m in depression, man! You know what, You have a capacity in your brain but one third of it is working -I’m going inside -OK -Count up to 200 and follow me -OK, wait wait -What? -Shall I count up to 200? -Yes! -So, how many at one time? You get angry with me, if anything happens You’ll count one by one you imbecile! Alright man! I’ll count what you want! -One by One! -OK Count! -Why don’t you count, jerk! -I’m counting from inside of me, man! Oh, damn it! Bro, I’m only at 35 now! Drop it! I entered into the Bank and saw that teller is my neighbor -Are you sad for this? -Yes No worry. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone Kill him and let’s go No, the chap recognized me -Did he? -Yes -What the hell… We got caught, Jesus! Do you get caught like this, as a principle? -Damn it! -Who was caught, man? The chap saw me and I went outside So, what’ll we do now? A slight change in plan, again -I’ll be outside you’ll be inside. -No, the teller would recognize me -How would he know you? -Who knows you’d all the more know me! Come off it! Go inside and make the warden ineffective! Wait! Let’s go in order -Say that I went inside – Yes How will I make the warden ineffective? Divide both sides of equation to the factor of the x! You’ve got the gun! Knock him down with the gun! OK. I got it -Then, you’ll say “This is a Robbery It’s shown with big R” -Yes -And you are turning to the teller -I’m turning to the teller and say “Hey teller, don’t move or you’ll become a live sprinkler.” Exactly! “Don’t make a wrong move or you’ll have to use your hind legs to eat.”
Listen, do you know what your problem is man? Your big black ass! What’re you saying, man? Listen man, I’ve a wife and 4 kids to care about, OK? Hey listen, I’m just trying to do my job! -What’s happening, dude? -Let’s get out of this fucking place, now! -It’s a hard blow! -What the hell are you saying? Do you still think that these aren’t useful? I’ll apply all of them one by one when I entered into the Bank OK, Hayati Go and apply all -Bro Ekrem! -Go, get lost! Picking up the gun would be good! Come on, Hayati! Come on, man! He must have joined the queue! It’s almost evening! 1541 Ekrem Kıkırdak! Geography teacher Bülent Velibeyoğlu! What’re you doing here? Why aren’t you studying? I’ll study, teacher I’m waiting for my friend I had told you, Ekrem Kıkırdak that it won’t matter to me and you’ll have to throw stones at the dogs Teacher, I wish you’d mention about a good memory after so many years! How could someone who is your teacher have a good memory? I never forget, it was a freezing winter day, you shot the ball and made my ear red. Impertinent! It wasn’t me, but Fehmi! When I went to pick up the ball I was beaten by you in vain As reprisal, the way you squeezed me to the door is still haunting me It wasn’t me, but deputy headmaster What goodness would you expect from a man who makes the kids laugh at the national anthem? Teacher, excuse me, because I’ve an important work -What’s that important work? -I’ll rob the Bank! You’ll never change your own way! Ekrem Kıkırdak, no way! -May God show you the right path! -Amen! I was too late complaining to your father about you My father already went out of network coverage Shut up, you jerk! Ekrem, we as a family have been working for this bank for 4 years I’m still living in the same house Listen to me, I’ll prepare tea for you You know, you are able to kill a wolf since you’ve become a dog Way to go, boy! Rob and come! Rob and come, boy! Come on! -Did you rob? -I’ll rob! Hold on a sec, wait man! Bro, by the time I’ll go into the Bank, what is the my first sentence? What am I supposed to say? I forgot You’ve gun at your hand stockings on your head… -Drop those accessories! What was I going to say? You’ll say “this is a robbery” what else? But, in what language, English or Turkish? -What do you mean? -You picked out a touristy branch I entered to see everybody speaking English Say Turkish, we’ll make English subtitles No, it’s not OK with subtitles What are we supposed to? You’ll not be able to, idiot Give it to me -No, I can do it, man! -No, I will do it -I’m very serious -Trust me! -I’ll do! -Careful, man! Does the lorry in the back street belong to you? -No, -No, it’s not -So, do you know its driver? -No, we don’t know He parked in wrong place We’ll tow it, just tell him -Has he gone? -Yes, he has Give it to me, OK I’ll do it So, the teller? -What teller? -Regular one! Did not you say that the teller recognized you? Let him know me. We’ll have plastic surgery made after the robbery For the teller? Yes! He’ll appear on all TV channels after the robbery, he’ll be famous, so he’ll deserve to have a plastic surgery Remember that one third capacity? That part doesn’t work and you’ve a zero capacity now And you’re using your wrong organ to hear! Even during the robbing, you hit the nail on the head! I’m off! Bro Ekrem, while counting, how many at one time? No matter, man! -Bro? -What the hell
-I’m hungry for 3 days -Are you again? -I’ll go to my hometown, no money I know, you want to nurse your baby but your milk is not coming, right? If you bring the baked potato to the agenda, I’ll break your heart -Do you want money? -Yes, Bro -Are you seeing that ATM hut? -Yes, I always stay there during the winter -Go there -OK I’ve a job. When I sorted it out I’ll bring big money to you -Can you swear? -Yes I can -Deal! -Deal! Take it easy! If you happen to see police or something, notify me Sure, I’ll do, Bro Captain, they tried to lynch me but you did nothing All is well. Come over here Fettan Oğlu Sit down there Let’s make a demonstration to see how you robbed the bank and took the money away What did you do when you came to the Bank that day? I came here as usual, since this is my former branch everyone in the Bank recognized me, sir You came here, and entered in normally via the gate -Yes I did -How did you enter, show me -I entered into the Bank like puff! -You entered like puff, and then? Then, I began to sign the files How did you sign, show me I’m a left handed person So I signed like puff! -You signed them! -I signed them, yes -Did you feel remorse? -Yes, I felt remorse, sir -How did you feel, show me How would I show it, man? If you like I can show you my photo while I was paragliding in Fethiye, I was so scared -What happened next? Then, I took the files to other friends to complete all signatures -I took them to Vice Manager -From where did you take them? -I took them via Kuşadası Road thinking…-It’s coming! I took them to the next door which is Vice Manager’s OK. You took them there What was he doing? As usual, he was mincing with a rich client -Everything seemed normal, right? -Yes So, what did you do next? -I made him sign too -You made him sign too Both tell and show me Pantomime is not enough? So, during these events have you noticed anything extraordinary? No, since I was one of former managers of the Bank nobody thought of me as stranger -What happened, next? Next, I’ve transferred the money to the Maldives, sir Where are the Maldives, jerk? I don’t know. Everyone was doing same while transferring money, that’s why I chose Maldives too thinking that they know something This is openly a robbery! Come with me. Let’s take you to the resting facilities! Captain, may I ask a question to you? -Like what? -Well A question with an elephant joke imagine sir what’s an elephant which comments the bible called to be? -It’s called hierophant! -Hey guys, take only one photo What happened? Did you rob, man? Speak up man! Never mind, just listen to the evening news -What evening news, man? -Move, move Tell me what happened, man -Never mind! -But, you went into Well, you mean he has robbed Yes, it was him Yes, that guy robbed and transferred the money. Police took him His face was like a demon’s, Bro Hayati, don’t rob a bank but found a bank! Is this not Bertolt Brecht’s remark? I heard it from the grocer in our street So, what will we do? My geography teacher told me that he would make tea Shall we go him? -Now? -Yeah It’s night, man It’s not very late? I don’t know Abuja Abuja What? I had asked what was the capital of Nigeria Yes It’s Abuja OK This is a Robbery Director Özgür Bakar